Eru and Rodia,
I understand what you are saying, but I think that 'motivation' looms large in people's thinking about this issue.
In the Invite Forum there is a legitimate reason for talking about other people. We must, as you say, discuss the extent to which they are trustworthy. And just as important as that, we want to discuss whether they will bring contention to the board or help us to build it. Members need to feel free to reveal what they know, without fear that they themselves will then be talked about behind their backs.
But in ordinary conversation there is really no justification for talking about people behind their backs. It's one thing for Eru and Iavas or Rodia and gimli to speak freely to one another; or, for example, I have often talked to Voronwe by email regarding things that were happening on TORC and I speak frankly knowing that our conversations are confidential. But also, even though all of us sometimes need to get things off our chest, have our gripe, etc., we usually have conversations like that with a spouse or a trusted friend because we want their advice for handling the situation. In other words, there is a constructive purpose to the conversation.
B77 is not the breakfast table in your home and it's not an email convo between two people. It is more like a dinner party where a whole lot of people have been invited. They *have* all been invited but no one would call that a confidential situation. In the normal course of things, you would not work the crowd at a dinner party criticizing the uninvited behind their backs. For sure it would get back to the people you criticized, and even if it didn't, the other guests would probably find it unpleasant. This is less a matter of rules, I think, than it is a matter of ... social grace?
Personally, I think that the 'rule' in the Invite Forum is justifiable. That is a business forum, and there would be no point to an invite process if we had to censor what we say. Nevertheless, many people feel uncomfortable with the discussions there. We need to be careful there to keep the constructive aspect of the conversation in the forefront. In other words, the purpose of those discussions is the good of the board and not the grinding down of others who are not here. That line can't really be legislated; it has to be felt. And we should help one another, I think, to keep even those discussions at a level where we would not be ashamed of what we have said there if it got out.
Jn
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"All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia."
Epigraph on the tombstone of W.C. Fields.