It's been on my mind since some time to write an email to TPTB at TORC in an effort to build bridges but I've not gotten down to discussing this with you simply because all my time and effort was taken up by getting this board to the point that it's open. We are now, the issue is on the table and I'd like a general membership discussion on it.
But first I want to:
Yes! It would be very nice to do that and hopefully many can find it in themselves to do just that on a person-to-person level yet that is each and everyone's personal decision here and although can be prompted, cannot be really decided upon amongst the membership at large. Prim is not the only one
Impenitent wrote: …
Over the last week or so I have been mulling over how to start a thread which could perhaps work on building bridges. I have refrained, fearful that no matter how well intended, the thread may cause offense, precipitate more pain, cut more ties. This is the opening week; there has been so much contention and strife already I didn’t want to add to it.
But I do so wish we could look at some practical, tangible ways of making people feel welcome! Not ethereal ways (welcome threads and lots of smileys and hoopla) but perhaps difficult and personally confronting things, like going out of our way to personally, privately reaching out to those who we know have been hurt, people we once had cordial relationships with and saying the hard things: "I'm sorry you were hurt, I did not intend it - or perhaps I did intend it at the time because I was also hurt and I was angry - but now I'm very sorry and I want our wounds to heal; to reach new understanding; to build new trust, though that is the hardest thing of all".
Yes, it is a hard ask. And I know a gut response is, "why should I? I'm the victim!" But that helps nothing at all!
Reach out to one person. Email just one person and try to begin a dialogue. Let them know that you regret their pain and wish to heal it and do it in good faith; and put up with the venting that is inevitable, the expressions of hurt and anger and just listen to it, acknowledge it even if it prickles. Repress your knee-jerk response.
And then see whether you can achieve the greatest thing of all; the overcoming of resentment, breaking through the wall of self-protection to create genuine understanding and compassion and friendship.
Eru, I know you have done this; and I know the rebuffs have caused you despondency and pain and perhaps even anger in response. But don't give up! First comes the anger; then comes the dialogue; healing and reconciliation are hard work - yet once achieved, what a paramount achievement!
There are many who have visited since the opening, searched through threads seeking confirmation of their pain and found it. Not surprising. And the first response, the natural, gut reaction to emotional pain is either to cower and hide (that’s what I do) or to hit back (unless one is gifted with extraordinary forebearance and so few of us are). Not surprising either.
And if we had deleted all the evidence, whitewashed the history, the question would always have remained, the doubt always below the surface.
So we have not whitewashed. But now is the time to reach out to those who have had their pain confirmed! And if you feel that THEY should do the reaching out...well, maybe so. Maybe so. But inaction on one side does not justify inaction on the other. It does not. Walk the hard path and we all reap the benefit.
We have opened; some have had the great moral courage to walk in through the door; others NEED someone to actually hold out welcoming hand.
She also said:
Prim wrote: My problem in responding directly to your post, myself, is that I personally don't have anyone to reach out to on TORC.
The 'no-one cares about me' might be a misconception and I'm sure plenty of people will remember you Prim as many will remember others of us that don't post there anymore. To make the decision to be part of anything, to behave in any sort of way at any time is everybody's right and responsibility at any one time.
Quote: Not that I don't care about anyone there, but no one there cares about me, if you know what I mean; word from me would be a pointless blast from the past, and probably would be seen as an attempt to rake up old hurts, if anyone there remembers me at all. Also, I honestly don't think I have offended anyone (except people who would have no interest in reaching back—and who probably did not in fact notice anything I said).
I think it would be the 'honourable' thing to do to attempt writing a group email to the TORC TPTB (Jon, Ted & the Mods) to tell them the past is the past, to declare 'peace' where they had left off with a war declaration, whether they react or not. I don't know abut you – but it sure as hell would make me feel a lot better, being able to put a final 'line' under that piece of history.
Perhaps we can ask if a thread would be allowed in TORF and then each person that wants to can post in there. Somehow I don't think they'll be very open to that idea but I would love nothing better than being proved wrong. In any case, it will have to start with an email, something we can all put together and then those that want, can sign it.
What do you think?
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Resident witchâ„¢