So it is still going, "over their head."
I don't see it that way. I think that is a TORC mentality.
To me the difference is between a community concern and a personal concern. To me the Bike Racks issue was a community concern and so I felt that the appropriate way to deal with that was through community, not personal channels.
Impenitent
I'm so glad you posted that, because that was the one thing that sifted through to me this morning after sleeping on things, was this issue of PM v board discourse.
It finally sunk in to me that Holby was
faulting me for not handling my concerns via PM, something that never would have occurred to me. It's not that I never handle things via PM. For example, I remember expressing my distress over a sig one time, though assuring the person I wasn't requesting they change it, just that I wanted them to know how it had struck me. And of course I exchange personal reassurances and thanks and the like. I guess it's as I said above, when something strikes me as a community rather than a personal concern, but that is very vague.
I remember, I hope she won't mind me saying, when Hobby expressed her dismay about some joking that had occurred, and I hadn't realized she felt it was at her expense. She did this publicly, and I was so glad she did because then I knew that everyone else was also aware of how she had been hurt, and everyone was aware that I hadn't intended it after I responded. I felt this was better than if she had PM'd me and said something and we had worked it out privately. But of course, it is at the discretion of the person who wants to say something, depending on what they are comfortable with.
Which brings me to the fact that I would not have been comfortable PMing Lidless even if I had thought that the appropriate channel, because I feel he dislikes me, and is mean to the people he dislikes, and his way of thinking and communicating is so vastly different from mine that our hopes of understanding one another are practically nil. I felt safer saying something on the board, because the board is a buffer between us. We are interacting, but we are not interacting directly, so a person's energy doesn't impact you in the same way. Additionally, there is so much potential to be misunderstood when writing, that I think it is better when discussing a board concern to have the input of many people to collectively sift and clarify.
if you think I’ve done the wrong thing in a thread on a personal basis
Yes, I guess it's defining 'on a personal basis'. I did not feel it was in any way personal between Lidless and I, this Bike Racks thing, but that it was purely a board matter. Maybe it's because it struck me as such a clear violation of the Bike Racks as defined in the Charter. Whereas if someone did something that I didn't feel was wrong vis a vis the community in any way but which nevertheless caused me hurt personally, then I would address it by PM. Or if I realize I've given offense though without actually doing anything wrong vis a vis the board (like inadvertently failing to respond to someone in a thread), then I would PM.
I find that I strongly reject these notions that Estel expressed on Lidless' behalf, that posting on the board is a sign of disrespect ('going over my head') or that it preempted his participation. I know I meant no disrespect to Lidless personally by following what I thought were the obviously proper channels to address this. Now maybe if I were a close personal friend of Lidless I would have PM'd him and told him how I felt about the thread, but I don't know.
And then I think, what difference would it have made? (I know we can claim things now in retrospect that would have been done, but really, I wonder.) I would have said the exact same thing in a PM that I said in my post. I really can't imagine Lidless would have said, 'Oh, well in that case, we'll have the thread moved.' I imagine he would have tried to persuade me to lighten up and have fun, just as he did on the board. I don't like to think what might have followed after that.
if you feel personally offended or insulted or there’s a possibility that something has been misinterpreted, then I would far prefer to be contacted privately with a question for clarification or personal complaint. I can then fix it, or apologise or clarify without having to involve the whole community.
Yes, I feel that in these kinds of situations that would be entirely appropriate. We aren't after all dealing with something that is perceived to have been done contrary to our board guidelines.
This is how I would conduct myself in RL; I would not approach someone in the middle of a gathering and loudly declare “you have offended me/distressed me/hurt my feelingsâ€