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Board-wide disruptions are not one person's fault

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halplm
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Posted: Tue 04 Dec , 2007 4:29 pm
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Thanks, Alatar. You left a couple behind I would have moved, but it's fine. I really appreciate it.

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halplm
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Posted: Tue 04 Dec , 2007 5:51 pm
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Alatar wrote:
See, this is the big issue. Hal seems to believe that if everyone could just see what he's getting at we'd all smack our foreheads and say "By Jove, he's right!". It leaves no room for us to simply disagree with his opinion. Because if we disagree, he has to assume we just didn't understand what he meant so he has to repeat it.
This isn't entirely true. I have in the past many times repeated my points because people respond to them in a way I would not have expected. Generally, I do view this as them not having understood me.

It's not about thinking that if everyone understood, we'd all agree, that's absurd. People are free to disagree and do. Have all my life. I have rarely if ever been among a group where I held the majority point of view. What I cannot stand, and react badly too, is when people are dismissive with their disagreements. For instance, if someone disagrees with my opinion on "drama filled threads" and disregards what points I have made, fails to engage in the discussion, and dismisses me as "Just causing trouble..." etc.

This brings up a whole host of nasty feelings, because it feels condescending, it feels like you're being ignored, and it feels like people are trying to shut you out of a discussion you obviously care about. The same thing happens to a smaller degree when you put thought into a long post making many different points that all tie into a conclusion... and all the responses pick a one liner out to disagree with, dismissing the rest of the post.

So I don't have a problem with people disagreeing... I have a problem with people being dismissive.
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Let me ask a question here. If you feel you're unfairly victimised and are always accused of getting involved in drama whats the worst possible thing you can do?

Lets see. Well, I suppose you could state that everyone hates you and nobody respects you so you're leaving the board. Then you could continue to read the board for months waiting for some drama to start and jump right back in again.
I agree. On the one hand I wish I had not said anything last week. On the other hand, I feel much better today about this board than I have in a very long time, so perhaps it has worked out well.
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If Hal is serious about being part of this community he needs to get himself into the main board and out of the drama threads, because NOBODY is going to change their mind based on the last weeks performance.
Actually, this isn't true. Some people have changed their minds. I will get back into the main board eventually. I don't consider this a drama thread now that it has been split apart, but it is still an important issue with me, and I think the discussion for the most part has been very good.
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If anyone wants to read that post as sarcastic and rude, thats their prerogative also.
No, you said what you mean, I hope my response might help you understand me a little better.

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TheEllipticalDisillusion
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Posted: Wed 05 Dec , 2007 12:07 am
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This isn't entirely true. I have in the past many times repeated my points because people respond to them in a way I would not have expected. Generally, I do view this as them not having understood me.
Here is something that both sides need to work on. I think this point is very crucial. No one should dismiss your valid concerns, hal, but as people make a point to take your views more seriously, you need to change this general view of yours. People often react unexpectedly, and when this happens, readjust your strategy before you repeat the points. Repetition should a last resort.

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halplm
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Posted: Wed 05 Dec , 2007 1:27 am
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I always readjust my strategy... but that basically boils down to saying the same thing a different way. I would never just keep saying the same thing over and over expecting a different reaction.

That's why I said when I posted to start this discussion, that I thought about it a great deal. I didn't want to just repeat myself again, and have everyone react the same way. At first, it seemed that might be the case, but on further discussion things seem a little better.

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