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Locking and moving Sids thread, and banning Sid

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Estel
Post subject: Locking and moving Sids thread, and banning Sid
Posted: Sun 13 Apr , 2008 3:15 pm
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Sids husband has managed to log into her account and is posting under her name without her permission, not to mention reading through forums (TOE) that he, as a non-member, should not have access to.

Because of this, I've locked the main thread he's been posting in/reading in under her name, and I will be banning her ID so he can no longer look through the board. Until we get a hold of Sid some other way and see what she wants to do, could we leave these actions in place please.

http://www.board77.net/viewtopic.php?p=317080#317080

Thanks

Estel


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Nin
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Posted: Sun 13 Apr , 2008 7:16 pm
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Estel, thank you for doing this. I just logged on.

It reminds me of the old days... when my ex logged in once under my account and read my PMS... yahoo conversations... sorry, I'm a wounded person in those regards and many of what I read just sounds too much like things I have heard....

Anyway, I hope we hear from Sid and banning this ID so that even if he can still read the public forum was a good idea so that he can no longer post under her username.

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Leoba
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Posted: Mon 14 Apr , 2008 7:21 am
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Thanks for picking this up, Estel. What a horrible situation for both parties.

I presume someone is in touch with Sid about this. And doesn't her sister post here?

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Estel
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Posted: Mon 14 Apr , 2008 9:47 am
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There are a few people on the boards who know how to get a hold of Sid offline - Pips, Wilma, etc - Pips told me that she would try and get a hold of Sid or her sister and would contact the rangers when she had done so.

In the meantime, we should probably just keep an eye on anyone new who signs up and compare IP addys to make sure he's not trying to read her stuff in another way.


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Alatar
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Posted: Mon 14 Apr , 2008 2:46 pm
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Estel, I'm not sure we can really stop him from joining as a member. Sure, he won't have access to the private forums, but he has as much right to join as anyone else. Its certainly preferable to him using Sids account. Thats if she has any interest in returning in the meantime.

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Estel
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Posted: Mon 14 Apr , 2008 4:16 pm
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I thought we could because he used an ID not his own outside of the RP forum basically starting out from minute one going against our rules :scratch: That, and he did state that he read through ToE which is beyond against the rules even for a new member, let alone someone who isn't a member at all.

That, and... yeah, if my ex or Nins ex or Lilys ex signed up to the boards, I would expect any and all of them to be banned no questions asked. Abusive assholes are not welcome sort of thing. We talked about this at some point in the Charter discussions but I don't know what was ever done with it. However, if my ex or Lilys ex or Nins ex have just as much of a right to join the boards as anyone else, then I don't want to be here anymore.

If he does end up joining and we let him, I will suggest that whoever is on here first moves Sids thread that I've moved to the Members Lounge into TOE or some such. We can pretty much assume that she didn't want him to see that thread or any of the thread where she spoke about him, and she has the right to have it hidden from him.

I, however, must strongly protest against anyone at all having a right to join the board when we know for a fact that the only reason they would be joining the board is for spying purposes and an intention to find out information that they can use against another person. If we know for a fact that in RL the person is very much not good, and that allowing them on the boards will disrupt the life of one or more people on the board in a strongly negative manner, then I do believe that the rights of a current and longstanding member of the board does take precedence.

Course, I also believe that the only people on this board that would agree with me about that are people with abusive asshole partners or ex-partners. Whatever - I can't be involved if he is allowed on the boards. I think we'll lose a minimum of three members if he is, but hey, the right to join is more important than the privacy of current members, even if the whole point of that person joining is to invade the privacy of the current member.

I seriously can't talk about this without becoming completely upset. I'm sorry, but it's just not that simple.


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Nin
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Posted: Mon 14 Apr , 2008 10:01 pm
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So far, no new user-name has been registered. So, let's deal with the problem if ever it occurs.

I think that Sid's husband does not expect to be accepted if he registers so for the moment he does not do it. He can read the public fora anyway, so I wondered about the banning at one point too (because Sid could contact us through her ID). But I udnerstood it makes sense t make it impossible for him to use Sid's ID.

If someone new registers and we have a proof he is Sid's husband - I would not let him either. When my Ex threatened me for "pornographic conversations" on the Internet to take custody from me, I was given Ranger powers for a day or two in order to erase all my ToE posts. That was not foreseen under the charter too. Sometimes, basic human sense is the best.

My ex is an informaticien... if he really wants to read, he can do it without even registering, I am quite sure of it. So far, I have no sign he does it again, and sometimes (in fact most of the times, now) I don't care any more. He never went as far as posting under my username.

I found the posts from Sid's husband terribly self-rightous and I fear and wonder how she is. I would have wanted to answer those posts and it took me a hard time not to answer this guy.

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Alatar
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Posted: Mon 14 Apr , 2008 10:49 pm
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I'm not going to get into this, but I think both of you are projecting your own past onto this situation. I don't think you're objective, and I don't think you can be. Thats not a criticism, just an observation.

This guy is not an "abusive ex". He's her current husband and partner. If anything, in this situation he is the wronged party. I have never heard Sid claim that he ever treated her badly. The one thing he has done which is out of order was to use her ID. There is no question that that is a major issue, but there is blame on both sides.

We are not judge, jury and executioner.

If that is going to change, then let me know now.

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Estel
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Posted: Mon 14 Apr , 2008 11:53 pm
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There are other things he has done that are out of order, but it isn't my place to say. Wilma has offered, in a PM to me, to tell you what those things are, but without Sids approval, I don't think that's a good idea.

And I do NOT see how her talking about her feelings here makes him the wronged party. From what I read, she had not acted on them, simply spoke about them. She's in the wrong because her feelings changed? I found that to be a very disturbing statement. Even if she was in the wrong, that doesn't give him the right to break the rules of the board and use her posts on the board in order to spy on her.

As for him registering - well, as Nin said, it hasn't happened, so I'm not going to argue about it unless it does.

From a simple charter perspective however, he was asked to sign up under his own ID and he refused point blank. He was also asked to delete a persons real life name, and again, refused. That, I do believe is enough to refuse him membership.

I just can't talk about this anymore - using "if anything, he was the wronged party" as a validation for spying on her like he did - on three different boards mind you.... everyone has a right to the privacy of their feelings. She took a risk posting those feelings on a message board, yes, but that doesn't mean she was in the wrong by talking to her friends about them.

I'm done. Yes my past affects me, and does so very strongly....

and thank god for that

Last edited by Estel on Tue 15 Apr , 2008 12:03 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Estel
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Posted: Tue 15 Apr , 2008 12:01 am
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As for now, I think we should simply lock this thread until Sid manages to contact someone from the boards or if her husband tries for membership.

There's no point in discussing this any further, and I think the posts already made will hurt and upset Sid badly enough already when/if she does come back.


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Leoba
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Posted: Tue 15 Apr , 2008 7:48 am
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I'm with Alatar on this. I don't think it behoves any of us to pass judgement on someone else's relationship, particularly when we've only heard one side of the story. I feel bad for both of them right now.

If you don't want someone to know something, then you don't post about it on the internet, it's as simple as that.

And yes, let's just wait and see if anyone can get hold of Sid and take it from there.

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The Watcher
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Posted: Thu 17 Apr , 2008 6:25 pm
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I admit I do not know Sid that well at all, but, my only comment is how is she going to contact anyone if her user ID is banned? Does she have access to direct email accounts and know what they are?

I do sort of lean on the side of Alatar and Leoba here, it is unfortunate what has occurred, and it is unfortunate what Sid's hubby chose to do, but, well, as has been noted, we have only heard one side of the story. I guess the actions taken so far do not cross the line. I do hope that they are temporary measures.


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Estel
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Posted: Thu 17 Apr , 2008 7:34 pm
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There are people on the board who have her phone number, including me, and there are other people on the board who know her sister. I think being on the board isn't her top concern right now.


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The Watcher
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Posted: Thu 17 Apr , 2008 9:30 pm
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Estel wrote:
There are people on the board who have her phone number, including me, and there are other people on the board who know her sister. I think being on the board isn't her top concern right now.
Then I trust to your good judgment, since you seem to know the situation a bit better. And I mean that most sincerely, I have nothing I can offer on this. Still, I doubt Sid will be returning. :(


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Nin
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Posted: Fri 18 Apr , 2008 2:49 pm
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I don't think either that Sid will return soon.

And I don't think we should judge the decision how to handle before actually someone suscpicious signs up.

Alatar, Leoba, I understand what you say and I mused a lot about your words, especially:
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If you don't want someone to know something, then you don't post about it on the internet, it's as simple as that.
It's not as simple as that. Especially regarding Sidonzo, I often got the feeling that the Internet is more or less the only place where she can talk. Her family is religious, she has small children and does not work: how do you get out and meet people? You don't. And yet, you need to talk, to share to ask for advice... So, you post them. Because if you don't, there is plainly nobody.

Well anyway, there is still noone new who has signed up, so for the moement I would leave things the way they are.

Maybe Sid's ID can be opened to just one forum (writing forum or Bike Racks - so that if ever she locks on, she can leave a message there)

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