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To have or not to have a "sex talk" forum

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Should we have a seperate "sex talk" forum?
Poll ended at Sun 27 Feb , 2005 7:13 pm
Yes
  
82% [ 18 ]
No
  
5% [ 1 ]
Don't care either way
  
14% [ 3 ]
Total votes: 22
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Holbytla
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Posted: Fri 18 Feb , 2005 9:54 pm
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I am going to side with Farawen on this (what else is new?).
This is no different than having seperate forums for movies and rp.
I can't see how in any way this affects any other part of this board. If you think Lidless is going to stop swearing and writing innuendos, then....well just me know when hell is going to freeze over.

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vison
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Posted: Fri 18 Feb , 2005 9:55 pm
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Primula_Baggins wrote:
Guru, although the legal issue applies to what minors can read and is extremely important, it is also important that this this board be a welcoming place for its members. Some current members are uncomfortable wiith the sex threads, enough so that they welcome not having to encounter them. What is wrong with collecting such threads into one forum that those people can avoid? That lets those threads and others continue, lets us put them behind an age test so the legalities are satisfied, and lets everyone feel at home here.

I do not see how this is anything like TORC's TOS. There is no language limit, topics can be adult, innuendo is not just allowed but positively encouraged--all that is utterly different from TORC. As would be having an entire forum devoted to frank discussion of sex.
What Prim said.


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Jnyusa
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Posted: Fri 18 Feb , 2005 9:55 pm
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If this is a legal issue, doesn't the FCC publish guidelines that we could read?

Jn

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Jnyusa
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Posted: Fri 18 Feb , 2005 10:14 pm
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I read the thread in Turf after reading this one, and wanted to post this comment in both places:


I strongly advise against giving the forum a name that has Sex or Porn in the title. I suggest instead simply calling it "Adults Only"

People who browse the forum will form a wrong impression of the whole board if they see a closed forum devoted to what appears to be pornography or exclusively sexual discussion. They will not know our sense of humor, or the nature of the discussion. Parents who browse sites to decide whether or not to filter for their kids will automatically filter when they see a name like that.

"Adults Only" gives a different impression, a protective impression rather than a furtive impression.

Jn

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Guruthostirn
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Posted: Fri 18 Feb , 2005 10:16 pm
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Alright, I'll speak up...don't say I didn't warn you.

Yes, this place should be welcoming to other people. That said, what I dislike is people coming over here expecting one thing, finding another, and trying to turn it into what they expect. I'm not saying that's what you are doing, whether deliberately or not. That's just what I'm feeling.

At one point there was a discussion about a disclaimer to go with invitations to inform people of the manner of this board, so people don't come here and are shocked...they know what they're getting into.

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Primula_Baggins
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Posted: Fri 18 Feb , 2005 10:30 pm
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I knew what I was getting into. I was getting into a place where Lidless and Farawen and many other fine people can post freely, where we can govern ourselves (with all the voting and quibbling that implies), and where, maybe, something valuable that was being smothered on TORC can flourish. And that's what I found.

People have different tastes. Are you saying that people whose tastes differ from yours are not welcome here? Should not have come? What you're objecting to is a forum structure that allows for a full range of expression without alienating or frightening people who may be more conservative, or more shy, WRT sexual matters than you are. What is the harm in this? As opposed to driving those people away?

I will say it again: I myself have no problem with anything I've found here. So please don't make this personal.

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Guruthostirn
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Posted: Fri 18 Feb , 2005 10:58 pm
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:hug: I'm not, no worries

*sigh* I may have to make another apology one of these days...

As long as we're still allowed a fair bit of freedom to have fun around the boards...like I said, I won't fight the forum.

That said, I Do hope it's frequented by visitors, and not just the regulars.

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vison
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Posted: Fri 18 Feb , 2005 11:18 pm
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I have something to add, but it's a bit difficult to express. I'm going to put on my grandmother costume for a few minutes. Bear with me.....reading glasses, grey hair in a bun, elastic stockings, comfort bra, elephant gonchies.....yup.....I think I'm suitably attired. Now, I shall pull this rocking chair up and lean forward and say:

Everyone who comes here, so far, knows everyone else, to a greater or lesser extent. Many of you have met in person, and many more will meet in person one day.

This is wonderful, and I hope I am one of those who meets Lidless and Jnyusa and Prim and Berhael, and everyone else. Sorry to miss so many names, but I don't want this post to be a thousand paragraphs long.

There are things I don't want to know about my friends. I don't really want to know what position they favour during sex, or how often they achieve orgasm, or what their ex-wife did that they hated.

NOW I KNOW I don't need to read the threads, as a matter of fact, from an initial indication of "C" I have gone back to "A" on the matter of the sex only forum.

I am just offering a bit of advice. Remember, once the words have been posted and read, they cannot be called back. They can be edited away, but maybe not as quick as you might like, on sober second thought.

It is fun to talk about sex. There is nothing shameful about good sex between loving partners. FAR, FAR FROM IT. It is fun to joke, to share funny stories, it is fun and rather exciting. But it is painfully easy to get caught up in it all and share something you might regret. The partner you are with now might not be your partner a year from now. You might wish with all your heart that you had kept some things private.

No one here is going to be judgemental, that seems obvious. But there is such a thing as too much information. The younger ones amongst us, those in their late teens and early twenties, might find that their fingers are quicker than their brains. God knows it happens!

Okay. Granny costume off. I'm outa here.

No offense meant, and I hope no offense taken. ;)

And, the suggestion for the name "Thinking of England" is absolutely brilliant. :cool:


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Estel
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Posted: Fri 18 Feb , 2005 11:29 pm
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Alright, I'm going to go ahead and make that forum.

We can work on the technicalities between now and when the board opens and/or moves :)

Patience though - I have to give the permissions one at a time.

Vision, I'll make sure you have no permissions for it :) :hug:


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Primula_Baggins
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Posted: Fri 18 Feb , 2005 11:33 pm
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Vison, you are a wise woman. And that post is probably worth reading twice.

And Guru, :hug: . No worries here either.

Finally, "Thinking of England" is a fabulous forum title, and very unlikely to interest the wrong sort.

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Farawen
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Posted: Fri 18 Feb , 2005 11:34 pm
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Estel, I just noticed that you can see the forum on the front page without logging in. Is that deliberate? :mrgreen:


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Lidless
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Posted: Fri 18 Feb , 2005 11:35 pm
Als u het leven te ernstig neemt, mist u de betekenis.
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OK, here's my take on all of this. I’m going at address two issues at once, and highlight the fact they are different matters.

Legal Aspect – the “Adult Boredom” Issue
Whichever country the server and / or the host is registered on, there will be legal requirements. It differs from country to country. Also, the registration will have to be in the name of a legal entity (corporation or person). Therefore, as it happens I (and it could have been anyone else - Muggins here has taken on that role) am legally responsible for what goes on here.

Since there is adult content on this site, even if it is just talking about sex very openly as opposed to pornography, there will need to be a disclaimer. There is no way around this.

Most websites that are dedicated to sex have the warning up front. An excellent example, and one I think could be used here, is www.literotica.com which states:

You must be over 18 years old to enter this site. If you are under 18 or do not wish to view adult content, you must exit now. Adults Only...Remember, this is an adult erotic web site. No minors allowed.

By entering Literotica, you are confirming that you have read and agreed to our legal disclaimer. You are also confirming that you are at least 18 years old. We are rated with ICRA to protect children and free speech.

If you are under 18 (in some countries or regions 21) years of age and/or if it is illegal to view erotic material in your community, please leave now. We can't be held responsible for your actions. We are not acting in any way to send you this information; you are choosing to receive it and requesting it and downloading it without our knowledge or explicit consent. Continuing further means that you understand and accept responsibility for your own actions, thus releasing the creators of this Web page and our service provider from any and all liability.

If you are a parent, guardian, or someone else who is interested in information on preventing minors from accessing adult material, please follow this link. It allows you to block adult material from the access of minors. Click here if your computer is used by children too, thanks!


Now whether we have something like that as part of the registration, part of the TOS, just as a sticky, or every time one logs onto the website I don't know yet. But it has to be somewhere obvious for all to see.

Since there is innuendo, swearing, and temporary diversions of threads into sexual matters all over the place, this warning should cover the entire website – not just the ‘sexual matters’ forum. The last thing I think anyone wants is to feel inhibited in posting what they want in a thread in a ‘non-sex’ forum. This is not what this community is about.

Separate Forum
I think this is merely a matter of courtesy to other posters who are uncomfortable with reading such dedicated, explicit material. It may not always be obvious from the thread title what the subject is about.

Here’s an analogy. Imagine you have guests in your house - in most cases if you’re going to have sex with your partner you do it in the bedroom with the door firmly closed and as quietly as possible. However, no one would be offended to you kissing and cuddling your partner in front of them. Ie, threads dedicated to sexual matters / revelations compared to innuendo / temporary diversions in threads.

Whilst the board is closed, this is easy. Once/If the board is open, there has been the suggestion that posters have to wait a month before being allowed in (so as to discourage one-off trolls attracted like moths to a flame to such a dedicated place). I like that. It’s slightly a pain administratively, but not overtly so.

The fact that we have the ability to talk so openly about sex I find refreshing. I remember having feelings for LOTR yet being unable to share that with friends. TORC gave me that ability. It gave all of us that ability and showed us that ‘we are not alone’.

Now we have the same ability about one of our most basic drivers. For me, I could talk about sex at a personal level – either in terms of any problems I might have, or advice I could give – on Board77 far easier than anywhere else.

On Board77 I know that if Jen and I discovered something wondrous or had a problem or we could talk about it here. I know of no other place I could do that.

Talking about sexual matters should not be stifled in this community (my personal opinion is that we should take this opportunity and encourage it). But we should realise that there are / will be (adult) posters who would rather not read such discussions - accidently or otherwise - and they should be respected as much as possible.

I would want to make this place as comfortable as possible to the community, and if that means a separate forum for the dedicated sex threads, then so be it.

Summary
1 A disclaimer needs to be board-wide.
2 Threads with the express purpose of discussing sex, or have turned to discussing sex explicitly should be started in or moved to a separate forum.
3 Innuendo, swearing, and temporary diversions into explicit sexual matters is allowed in other forums.
4 Common sense by the Admins should dictate whether a thread needs to be moved or not.

Last edited by Lidless on Sat 19 Feb , 2005 1:11 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Estel
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Posted: Fri 18 Feb , 2005 11:37 pm
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Farawen wrote:
Estel, I just noticed that you can see the forum on the front page without logging in. Is that deliberate? :mrgreen:
When you first create a forum, the permissions are automatically set on public. You have to manually set it as "Private (hidden)."

If you look now, you shouldn't be able to see it anymore :)


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Guruthostirn
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Posted: Fri 18 Feb , 2005 11:38 pm
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Sounds good to me.

However, how do we deal with those that do not meet the qualifications who're already here? I don't know of the people who we might want to invite...I don't know many that age, but the ones already here? Do we just look the other way?

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Lidless
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Posted: Fri 18 Feb , 2005 11:42 pm
Als u het leven te ernstig neemt, mist u de betekenis.
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Guru,

I know of no one under the age of 18 here.

And neither do you.

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Jnyusa
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Posted: Fri 18 Feb , 2005 11:43 pm
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Good sensical post, Liddy.

Estel, I can't see the forum even when I'm logged on. Do I have to exit the site and re-enter? (Gonna try that)

Did you name it "Thinking of England" ? I love that name too!

Jn

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Primula_Baggins
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Posted: Fri 18 Feb , 2005 11:52 pm
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Jn, I think Estel has to give us our privileges (which let us see the new forum) one at a time, so it will take a while.

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Estel
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Posted: Fri 18 Feb , 2005 11:54 pm
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Re: permissions


working on it :) I'm half-way down the second page, out of five pages of members


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Nin
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Posted: Sat 19 Feb , 2005 12:09 am
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Nienor is under 18.

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Lidless
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Posted: Sat 19 Feb , 2005 12:13 am
Als u het leven te ernstig neemt, mist u de betekenis.
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Hence the youthful face in all your avatars.

Remember, when it comes to minors, we have to cover our asses.

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