Nothing like jumping in with both feet. Is the water cold?
Cheat or be cheated on? What I do is up to
me, what
happens to me is sometimes up to someone else. I wouldn't cheat. That's in
my control.
However, like President Carter, I have now and again lusted after others in my heart. So? It's a common thing and only wrong if you act out of that lust and break your vows.
If someone cheated on me? I'd be devastated. But it wouldn't be my crime, and that would make it better, somehow.
The other thing is, DON'T CONFESS. God, these confessing types get me down. "I feel so awful, I just have to tell you...." Look, that's guilt and remorse. Guilt and remorse are your punishment for doing wrong!!!! Don't spill them all over. It happened to two friends of mine, their husbands had affairs and then they just HAD to tell their wives. One wife had guessed and one hadn't, but both are divorced now. And both ex-husbands blame their wives for "not being able to forgive". "I confessed my guilt," this guy cried to me, "and that witch couldn't forgive me." Well, cry me a river, buddy. You shoulda kept it to yourself and you might still have a wife and family.
O, maybe I'm being too harsh. No, on second thought, I'm not. If the partner ASKS, then be truthful. But don't volunteer.
Forgive a friend for lying to you or stealing from you? Yes, I guess I would, depending on the circumstances. As Ethel so honestly said above, I too was once a terribly accomplished liar. And the reasons? So complex. It was this THING.
In Manwe on the other forum there is a very interesting thread on personality types and as I read it I began to realize that when I was a teenager, all those centuries ago, I lied to be more interesting, to "fit in", to build my ego, to appear to be something and someone I'm not. It was really quite appalling and to this day there are people who "know" things I told them, who still believe them, and who I hope to god I never meet. I just couldn't deal with it!!! I still lie more often than I should, but you know, there are times when it's the only recourse a reasonable person can take. It's wrong, but I salve my conscience by believing I'm saving someone from being hurt. Lies are awful, though. They hang around waiting to bite you in the ass.
I've been lucky. No one of my friends has ever stolen from me, and if they have lied, I don't know it. But once when I was managing a little factory, I hired a friend to work part-time. The second she came in the door she was after my job and after about two years, she got it. She was incredible. If it hadn't been so hurtful, I would have admired her singlemindedness. I quit, with this parting shot, "There's only room for one queen bee in this hive and I guess you're it." She had a terrible life and she fought her battles with the weapons nature gave her and I just got in her way. My life, next to hers, was a bed of roses, so it was easy enough to forgive her.