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Berhael
Post subject: Body image
Posted: Mon 31 Jan , 2005 3:39 pm
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This thread is just a "vent" for anyone to talk about their issues with body perception.

Quoting myself from the "Theme Month" thread in the Turf:
Quote:
In case anyone hadn't noticed, our bodies are a big issues to most women. Those with big bodies feel fat, those with small frames feel thin and inadequate. There's no middle ground. And I know because I'm average - my clothes size always runs out first at the sales - and I still have days when I feel incredibly bloated and horrible, too disgusting too look at, or flabby, or unhealthily proportioned. If my weight is ok, then there's something else to fixate on: leg veins, stretch marks, acne scars. No matter how much men in your life tell you how beautiful you are; we are still conditioned (by whom/what? Our mothers? Society? Other women?) to think that we're not good enough.

Never good enough. That's one of the most toxic, but most prevalent, attitudes among women. And when guys complain about not knowing what to answer if we ask "does my bum look big in this?", I wish they could step in our shoes and spend a month feeling like a woman does, at her worst. Inadequate, ugly, or too sexual if she's curvy; hated by other women if she's well groomed, or despised as "unfeminine" by men if she doesn't make an effort.

Think of how easy it is to step over the thin line dividing "attractive" and "sluttish". A woman should be proud of her body and not hide it, yeah? Well, there will always be someone tut-tutting it, thinking that she's "asking for it". And what if someone chooses to be demure? She's probably frigid, or a lesbian, or both.

You should try wearing tights and high heels some time. They're uncomfortable as hell. Pretty to look at? Yeah. So are wonderbras, but the wires stick in your flesh.

The amount of perceptions and societal norms we have to conform to - we have to be "a lady at the table, a cook in the kitchen, and a whore in bed" (as a Spanish proverb has it). Plus we need to be great mums and good professionals to boot.

I love being a woman, but sometimes it sucks. Big time.

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Rodia
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Posted: Mon 31 Jan , 2005 4:18 pm
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Whenever I try wearing a skirt, or something definitely female...I end up feeling like I'm in drag.

I've worn makeup once in my life, when I was on TV and they just did it for me.

I just don't feel like I have any sort of right to try and look pretty. Like I'm the wrong shape or even species, like I'm a little kid trying to look like a grown up... Anyone else get like that?

What definitely doesn't help is when I try and wear a skirt and a nice shirt, and everyone notices. "You look nice". That's the worst thing I could hear...

I'm a mess.

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Griffon64
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Posted: Mon 31 Jan , 2005 4:34 pm
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I don't even wear skirts. I've given up on this - I've got an ugly body shape, :D, a strong-jawed face that makes me look unfeminine ... I've given up on the whole thing. Wears jeans and big men's T-shirts all the time, and so be it.

So yeah, I'm also deep into the inadequate thing :D

Last edited by Griffon64 on Thu 24 Feb , 2005 12:17 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Rodia
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Posted: Mon 31 Jan , 2005 4:38 pm
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I have fat legs...

The top of my body is very cool...but my legs are just big boned. I have no ankles!

:neutral:

Griff, we're better off. We don't have to constantly worry about our appearance. :LMAO:

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Leoba
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Posted: Mon 31 Jan , 2005 4:45 pm
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Rodia, I completely get what you mean about make-up. Though I do succumb to powder and mascara in the week, anything more obvious makes me feel as though I've raided my Mum's make-up drawer!

The worst occasion was when I decided to glue on false nails and paint them bright violet. It took me a few hours in the evening. In the cold light of day they just looked bloody silly and I realised I'd never be able to type. So I spent an hour and a half with the nail varnish remover, peeling the darn things off. My boss said it was the best excuse for being late for work he'd ever heard. ;):LMAO:

Berhael wrote:
No matter how much men in your life tell you how beautiful you are; we are still conditioned (by whom/what? Our mothers? Society? Other women?) to think that we're not good enough.
In my experience it's the men who say we're not good enough. It takes a lot of will power to undo the damage that's done when you're told you look fat or that you shouldn't wear heels, or that you should cover up your legs.


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Lidless
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Posted: Mon 31 Jan , 2005 4:47 pm
Als u het leven te ernstig neemt, mist u de betekenis.
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Interestingly enough, in a recent survey the question asked was what would most people change about themselves. The most common answer was feet / toes.

One presumes this survey was taken in the Shire.

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Griffon64
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Posted: Mon 31 Jan , 2005 5:02 pm
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LOL Lidless!

No, I'll change my bloody apple shaped body.

And I don't wear ANY makeup. Ever. I'm one of those people who no amount of makeup can save :mrgreen:

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Rodia
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Posted: Mon 31 Jan , 2005 5:15 pm
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I'd change my fat legs! And my nose.

When I was nine years old I became a big fan of Ringo Starr...he made me feel okay about having a big nose. :LMAO:

Leoba LOL about the nails! I once bought green nail polish (" If I paint my fingernails green...and it so happens that I do paint them green...well if someone should ask me why I think it's pretty...I think it's pretty! That's what I'll reply..."). But when I tried to paint my fingernails I felt like such an idiot...then I realised I don't have any of that nail polish remover stuff! Thankfully I'd only painted one hand so it didn't take all day to scrub it off.

(I should mention that I never let my nails grow past the edge of my fingers. Feels nasty.)

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Nin
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Posted: Mon 31 Jan , 2005 5:25 pm
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I would change my feet. I hate them.

But you know what really bothered me: my husband bought a hometrainer for me.... to help me with my body problems... as he said. :help:

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Lidless
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Posted: Mon 31 Jan , 2005 5:34 pm
Als u het leven te ernstig neemt, mist u de betekenis.
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One hopes the hometrainer was a 21 year old Swede. The joke's on him then.





A man came home from work and found a ton of exercise equipment around the place.

"What's going on?"

"I'm trying to make my boobs bigger."

"Your boobs bigger? How much was all this?"

"A thousand dollars."

"A thousand dollars?!!!! You don't need all this stuff to make your boobs bigger. All you need is a piece of toilet paper."

"What?"

"Sure. Each day, rub a piece of toilet paper between them."

"That'll work?"

"Of course. Look what it's done to your fucking ass."

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Rodia
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Posted: Mon 31 Jan , 2005 5:35 pm
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Wouldn't a thousand dollars get her some sillicon?

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Lidless
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Posted: Mon 31 Jan , 2005 5:40 pm
Als u het leven te ernstig neemt, mist u de betekenis.
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Silicon should be renamed silly con.

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Sunsilver
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Posted: Mon 31 Jan , 2005 6:54 pm
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TheLidlessEyes wrote:
One hopes the hometrainer was a 21 year old Swede. The joke's on him then.





A man came home from work and found a ton of exercise equipment around the place.

"What's going on?"

"I'm trying to make my boobs bigger."

"Your boobs bigger? How much was all this?"

"A thousand dollars."

"A thousand dollars?!!!! You don't need all this stuff to make your boobs bigger. All you need is a piece of toilet paper."

"What?"

"Sure. Each day, rub a piece of toilet paper between them."

"That'll work?"

"Of course. Look what it's done to your fucking ass."
....and the husband's funeral will be next Wednesday. Closed casket, because the remains were mutilated beyond recognition....


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Jaeniver
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Posted: Mon 31 Jan , 2005 8:04 pm
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You want a list of everything I’d change?

My legs, too blody thin, I miss half of the flesh that’s suppose to be on a leg
My feet, in comparison with my legs they look too damn big and thanks to my cough lovely*cough* father I have an enormous toe. This is a huge problem for me somehow and I really have to bite my tongue if I hear someone comment on how big they are, I know they are I do not need someone to tell me.
My nose, a nother wonderful feature given to me by my father. It looks as if it’s been broken or something I truly hate it I said for years that as soon as I have the money I’d get it fixed just th mere fact I look like my father doesn’t please me. and the number of times I had to hear that.
My ass, the fact I haven’t got one. And this is confirmed by an ex bf so I have trouble believing people who say: “you look fine”
My hips, see above statement.
My knees, because, like my legs my mother’s family is skinny and apparently miss out on the fleshy parts.

That’s pretty much it appart from being yelled at “Damn you’re a freak! I can see your veins through your skin!” my skin is quite thin in my arms :roll: and I had several teachers asking me if I was alright because apparently I look anorexic. Wasn’t sure how to repond to that. I sport quite often but that extreme ?!

But being quite thin and not at all curvy doesn’t make me feel less feminem. I wear make up and won’t leave the house with a lip balm wether I need it or not. I can spend hours messing with my hair, putting on nail polish etc etc. So I think I am pretty vain yes. The only thing I have a problem with is summer. When the skirt time comes around. I fear wearing skirts simply because I’ve hear people wisper my legs are too thin, my feet too big and I’m too thin to make it look good. I simply won’t wear one in my own country. It’s even more rare to catch me going to the beach in a bikini. I feel nervous not at ease. No I need to be wrapped up in covering jeans. Only thankful I haven’t worked up anxiety over my breasts :roll:


This isn’t self pity just a huge rant I have to get off my chest without bing told shut up and stop whining :P and no it is not pms for once. Don’t want to see me during that period. A damn mess once a month :P I warn people upfront ;)

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eärendil
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Posted: Mon 31 Jan , 2005 8:48 pm
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Ok, Jae will tell you I didn't want to post in this thread... because a post from me on this subject can always become a flaming argument against mankind. Painful past experience...
Anyway, today I'm not going to go into violent rant (I'll try at least) against those who say "she's looking for it".

To be totally honest, I think that as far as this subject is concerned, women are to be blamed as much if not more than men.
There's a reason why "bitch" doesn't really apply to men... because women can be horrid to one another. I could give you a phsychologic insight of my experience as I went through 2 years of therapy and this is one thing my psychologist had me work on.

The unfeminine part of me has several explanations, one being that I lived in a neighbourhood where you don't want to look like a girl. That would make you an easy prey to racketing, rape... I learnt quickly to get dressed in baggies and other large stuff...
Yes, my perception of my body has something to do with what a man did to me, but it came from before that and the fact that since I was young all the girls at school used to tell me that I was ugly and fat. After I was raped, I actually aimed at that; I became foodoholic (think it's the name) and this for 3 years... but it wasn't exactly healthy and despite the fact that I was ill I struggled against it; but teenagers aren't exactly nice to one another and I heard for about 4 years that I was fat and ugly...
I remember once I had lost close to 5kg and I was so glad and shared it with a girl I thought was a friend. What did she do? Next time we were in a group and I talked to her she said "it's not because you've lost 5kg out of your 3tons that you are allowed to talk to me."
This is the day I lost total trust in other people; took me 8 years to regain it. So yes, I'd say girls can be fucking bitches and are worse than men in this regards.

I've been struggling: I lost 15kg over a year and took them all back while I was in Ireland; it was very frustrating :P :P.
I'm far from perfect and I also have my things against my breast and legs. But I can't do anything about both; the first comes in the family and the second from 10 years of rollerblading and 5 years of figure skating.

As far as skirts and make-up are concerned, well I'm working on it, but that's only thanks to being in Montreal; for two things. First, here it seems people don't pay attention to that; they look at who you are first and mostly. Second, I've met wonderful people - especially guys - who've managed to make me feel at ease with myself. I feel much safer than I used to in Paris and I'm also feeling much better which does help.

To answer Berhael's comment on societal aspects, I think that people like Monika Bellucci saying that women liked to be considered as objects doesn't help on the evolution of ideas. To some extent I think she's right and that if we all said "fuck off" and got dressed in jeans without make-up at all maybe things would change, but fat chance (bad wordplay :P)

Oh well it's still ranting but it could have been worse :P

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Guruthostirn
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Posted: Tue 01 Feb , 2005 7:29 pm
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I guess I'm terribly ignorant...to me, every woman is beautiful in their own way, if you look close enough, and care about them enough...and that's the job of the boyfriend/husband...to make sure the woman knows they're beautiful...

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crystal_seed
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Posted: Wed 02 Feb , 2005 9:42 pm
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****

Last edited by crystal_seed on Fri 10 Jun , 2005 8:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Iavas_Saar
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Posted: Thu 03 Feb , 2005 3:34 am
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I definitely feel lucky to be a guy in this regard. However, I try to make Eru feel as good about herself as possible (as she should!), and I can't comprehend how other men can make these sort of comments:
Quote:
It takes a lot of will power to undo the damage that's done when you're told you look fat or that you shouldn't wear heels, or that you should cover up your legs.


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peeg
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Posted: Thu 03 Feb , 2005 6:17 am
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Well, i don't have a lot of problems with my body. IMO, men who make degrading comments about my body just aren't worth it.

But i hate my thighs, they're too fat. And i hate my shoulders, they're too broad thanks to my dad. And my nose is huge, and my feet too wide and, and, and.....

Does become such a long list, doesn't it? The problem is the media, and the perfect image of women that it endorses. No normal, healthy, average woman could be like the stick models that parade the catwalks, and i think they're downright repulsive.

I know the ladies here are smart enough not to aim for that, but it's something embedded in a woman's subconscious.....there's always somthing wrong, always somthing too thin, too fat, too wide, too flabby. And dammit, i've got no answers for it. It's just somthing we have to fight, and come out on top just feeling good about ourselves, for being who we are.

And you know what the world needs? it needs more guys like the ones around here. :hug:

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Nienor SharkAttack
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Posted: Thu 03 Feb , 2005 5:38 pm
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Guruthostirn wrote:
I guess I'm terribly ignorant...to me, every woman is beautiful in their own way, if you look close enough, and care about them enough...and that's the job of the boyfriend/husband...to make sure the woman knows they're beautiful...
Absolutely.

So what's up with the new trend where boys keep telling their girlfriends how ugly, fat, pimply, hairy, stupid and etc, etc they are? And the girls, though they clearly get hurt, tolerates it!

Goodness, I hate that. Especially since I have three such couples sitting behind me in my classroom... *Sigh*:roll:

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