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A, B, or C?

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Rodia
Post subject: A, B, or C?
Posted: Tue 01 Feb , 2005 2:53 pm
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With all this decisionmaking, building and discussion going on on b77, I've noticed in myself a frightening vice.

I am not capable of making up my own mind.

This isn't as harmless as it seems. I've noticed that I will second someone's opinion only until someone I like/fear/respect more comes along and says something completely different. I'm almost immediately convinced that I was wrong before, and that their solution is right.

Then the other person replies with something equally sensible. By then I'm stumped. I say what I think is my opinion, and run to another thread. Where I say something else...and contradict myself. The scary part is I mean what I say in both posts.

At one point, I think we should invite someone immediately. Ten minutes later I think waiting is the only proper way.

Is this normal? Am I insane, or do I just lack a spine?

I admit I thought myself to be a pretty fair person, but now I see I can't find my own opinion among what others say. I keep saying I never follow blindly, but what is this if not sheepwalk?

:Q

Does anyone else ever feel like this? Or maybe someone has advice to give me to help me figure out my stand, and actually hold on to it?

I'm worried that I'm not helping the growth of b77 much, if I keep agreeing with everyone. I think maybe I ought to step back from the discussions...at least, not say anything. But that seems like the easy way out.

:help: :help: :help:

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Jaeniver
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Posted: Tue 01 Feb , 2005 2:58 pm
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I have the same problem Ro. i can't make decisions. I always want to please everybody and fear whatever decision i make on my own is one so radical i'll get rotten vegetables thrown at me.

I always discuss things first with someone, weigh both outcomes and then sometimes decide i will not speak up.

Not sure it means we have no spine though. just don't like stepping on peoples toes.

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Lidless
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Posted: Tue 01 Feb , 2005 3:04 pm
Als u het leven te ernstig neemt, mist u de betekenis.
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Jae would have even more of a problem if the thread was "1, 2 or 3".

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Farawen
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Posted: Tue 01 Feb , 2005 3:07 pm
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C for me, please.


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Jnyusa
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Posted: Tue 01 Feb , 2005 3:10 pm
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I think lots and lots of people feel that way much of the time. Seriously. Most people dread making decision.

But it's important for everyone to say what's on their mind and not worry whether it's ultimately accepted by everyone or not; otherwise the ones who are highy opinionated will end up making all the decisions, and just because a person feels very strongly about something doesn't mean that they're right.

Anyway, I think this process of trying to find the thread of agreement in two different opinions ... so that we can agree with both of them ;) ... is a good process. That's really how you find the middle ground.

Jn

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Leoba
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Posted: Tue 01 Feb , 2005 3:12 pm
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Quote:
Jae would have even more of a problem if the thread was "1, 2 or 3".
:LMAO:


You're not alone. I am horribly susceptible to other peoples' arguments. And I'm sure I manage to contradict myself half the time.

Look on the plus side - at least you're reading and thinking about the points raised, which is better than leaping into the swimming pool head first without pausing to check how deep it is!

Just don't hold back for fear of treading on anyone's toes. We're all big enough and tough enough here to take a bit of muck throwing on occasion.

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Rodia
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Posted: Tue 01 Feb , 2005 3:21 pm
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I don't think my problem is that I hold back...just that I change my mind at the drop of a hat.

I like to hope those changes are still within some...reasonable...limit:P

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Lidless
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Posted: Tue 01 Feb , 2005 3:25 pm
Als u het leven te ernstig neemt, mist u de betekenis.
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We are lucky here to have very eloquent posters. And eloquence only comes from conviction. Thus posts on both sides of an argument can be persuasive if taken in isolation.

It is inevitable for the younger members like you Ro / Jae to feel this from time to time. Sounds condescending, perhaps, but it's true.

The trouble with an argument is that very often both sides know they are right. Only arrogance of youth or of years can do that.

It is good to see that arrogance *not* being displayed by you. I wish I had that ability.

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Jaeniver
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Posted: Tue 01 Feb , 2005 3:27 pm
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TheLidlessEyes wrote:
Jae would have even more of a problem if the thread was "1, 2 or 3".
*whacks Lidless over the head with Math book* :blackeye:

Anyway, i can't een contradict myself because i don't say things i think half the time :P i should but then i read and think other people raise father better arguments then i ever could.

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Lidless
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Posted: Tue 01 Feb , 2005 3:36 pm
Als u het leven te ernstig neemt, mist u de betekenis.
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Perhaps our version of Manwe should be called Sesame Street.

"Today's argument will be brought to you by the letter B."

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Rodia
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Posted: Tue 01 Feb , 2005 3:45 pm
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:LMAO:

Bless you, Lidless, you made my vice sound like a quality.

And you're probably right about the age thing. Most of the time I still feel like an idiot, talking to people who are not just older, but more experienced than me. Sometimes I think, what the hell is this person doing talking to me? This balding wacko whose job description I'd need a degree to understand is actually talking to me like I'm equal, and not a friend's kid?

Yikes. :blackeye

But then there's people who are just my age and know how to decide what their position is.

I'm just worried I missed the part of my life where I was supposed to grow up.

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Jaeniver
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Posted: Tue 01 Feb , 2005 3:49 pm
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Now you have me worried Rodia :P

But i guess that just proves age nor experience (or lack of it) is needed to make a friendship.

Or so i think. :scratch

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Berhael
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Posted: Tue 01 Feb , 2005 3:50 pm
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Should I be worried then? Because I'm a good 10 years older than Ro (at least), and I find it very hard to make up my mind too.

Which is why I usually try to work for a compromise.

I've been told that I'm a good negotiator and facilitator. I think I'm simply a pushover. ;)

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Leoba
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Posted: Tue 01 Feb , 2005 3:50 pm
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Supposed to grow up? What do you mean? :shock:

I was told that that was all a myth. No one knows what they're doing. We all just bumble through life waiting for someone to spot that we're faking it and are really a complete fraud.

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Lidless
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Posted: Tue 01 Feb , 2005 3:59 pm
Als u het leven te ernstig neemt, mist u de betekenis.
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95% of the world are amateurs, and the other 5% haven't a clue what they're doing.

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Rodia
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Posted: Tue 01 Feb , 2005 4:01 pm
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Shit...I think I just blew my cover then.

Seriously though, didn't anyone notice how little sense all my responses to the threads make? How much I keep contradicting myself?

If no one noticed then carry on. :mrgreen:


Makes me feel a tad better that everyone else isn't omniscient. :P

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Lidless
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Posted: Tue 01 Feb , 2005 4:03 pm
Als u het leven te ernstig neemt, mist u de betekenis.
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I'm sorry?

I don't understand the point you're trying to make.

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Axordil
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Posted: Tue 01 Feb , 2005 4:10 pm
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Making snap decisions is easy. You just do it.

Cleaning up the mess and apologizing later, that's hard. :)

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Berhael
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Posted: Tue 01 Feb , 2005 4:36 pm
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No, I didn't realise, Ro. I honestly didn't! :LMAO:
So yes, you blew your cover. ;)

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"The most terrifying day of your life is the day the first one is born [...] Your life, as you know it... is gone. Never to return. But they learn how to walk, and they learn how to talk... and you want to be with them. And they turn out to be the most delightful people you will ever meet in your life."


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Rodia
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Posted: Tue 01 Feb , 2005 4:44 pm
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*gets a mop*

I'll need that.

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