I'm looking for some advice. My eleven year old half sister seems to have developed a prejudice against gay people. My guess is that she's learned it from my father and from the kids in her school. My father is a very conservative Christian whose views on gay people can be summed up more or less as follows:
"Engaging in homosexual relations is a sin, but we're supposed to love all people regardless of their sins. It's not my place to pass judgement on someone with regards to the ultimate destination of their soul, but neither do I want to see homosexuality glorified as I believe it is a sin."
This is a position I see taken by many Christians these days, and sounds quite progressive compared to the majority of attitudes from even 10 years ago (in my experience, at least). But the part about "glorifying" homosexuality is the kicker, as in my experience it tends to translate to "It's ok to be gay, as long as you're not being gay in public."
Last night my sister was talking about how she was disgusted by seeing two effeminate men shopping together at a local grocery store. They weren't kissing each other or even flirting. They were just shopping together and talking to each other. That it bothers my sister so much to even see presumably gay men shopping seems to indicate that she's taking the implications of my father's views seriously.
And it's not just my father's influence. At school she and her friends have apparently come up with a word to describe gay people. The word is "swingholes." Perhaps it's an amalgum of "swingers" and "assholes." I'm not sure. Regardless, she appears to be quite inundated in a culture that is deeply prejudiced against gay people.
She's too young to really have formed these conclusions through critical thinking. She's just absorbing the biases of everything she's ever known. And here I am sitting in the car with her last night listening to her talk about her views. Obviously I disagree. I've known quite a few gay and bisexual people throughout my life. With none of them have I felt that their having those preferences was a moral issue in and of itself. Whatever moral flaws or strengths they have or had were in no way related to or determined by their sexuality. Their sexuality, with regards to moral matters, is a non-issue in my mind.
But should I say anything to my sister to that effect? What responsibility do I have, as her half brother, to give her the opportunity to see how I view the world? And what responsibility do I have to speak with my father on this matter? He and I are not close, and have not been close for 13 years. And he is the gatekeeper with regards to me seeing and spending time with my sister.
It is important to me that she not hold prejudices that are insulting and hurtful to people I care about. My future father-in-law and uncle-in-law are both gay. My fiance is bisexual. The visceral negative reaction of disgust that my sister experiences when seeing gay people is difficult enough for my fiance to watch as it is. And it can potentially get much worse with time.
Certainly when my sister is older and capable of making her own decisions I'll have no qualms about giving her a chance to see where I disagree with our father. But at 11 years old she's just not ready to do that kind of critical evaluation. She's barely getting to the point where she's beginning to figure out how to make decisions, let alone major evaluations of moral judgements. Still, the biases and prejudices she forms now may adversely affect her and others down the road. I'm not her parent, certainly, but I do feel that I am responsible for passing along what wisdom I have learned. How far must that responsibility extend?
It occurs to me that this may be a situation that will have to be approached with the greatest of care.
Edited for grammar and clarity