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The line of generations

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Nin
Post subject: The line of generations
Posted: Thu 20 Nov , 2008 1:44 pm
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Also posted on HoF

This is personal.... but also general.

I am, as you know, a mother. My children are still quite young, at this age where life seems eternal and the future a promise.

I am 38 (almost 39), an adult, aware of the value of moments and the passing of time, futility. I know I will die, but it’s not on my mind. My love is older than me, twelve years, and this worries me sometimes for I know there will be years without him and I fear them.

My father died last year, at the age of 69. And yesterday my grand-mother, his mother died. She was 91.

Although I had not seen my grand-mother since the funeral alst year and did not have any close contact through all my life, I am very sad and disturbed today.

I just wanted to ask or to question: how dou see yourself in the line of generations? Because today I feel like I moved a line forward, closer to my own mortality.

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LalaithUrwen
Post subject: Re: The line of generations
Posted: Thu 20 Nov , 2008 3:02 pm
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:hug: You have put into words something I have been feeling lately. :neutral:

I'll have to think about it before I can say much else.

(I'm sorry about your grandmother.)


Lali

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Jnyusa
Post subject: Re: The line of generations
Posted: Thu 20 Nov , 2008 11:06 pm
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Nin, :hug:

Your feelings are shared by lots of people! My biological mom died when she was 39 years old, and when I hit my 39th birthday it was quite a hurdle. My adopted mom died just a year and a half ago, and some nights I still startle awake from the edge of sleep remembering an event from her final days.

It's true that our own mortality feels farther away when our parents are still alive.

My two daughters are also grown, and I see them moving off into their own futures and ... not leaving me behind but ... making me obsolete? :suspicious: So I look at my grandchildren and think, well, I launched my ship, you know? Whatever difference I have made to the world, it will resonate through them.

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aulini
Post subject: Re: The line of generations
Posted: Thu 27 Nov , 2008 10:12 pm
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My kids are still small - 6, 4 and 2. We're not going to have any more. Now that I'm very close to leaving the most intense baby/toddler years behind me, I have mixed feelings. Pretty soon there will be no more diapers, not too many waking nights, no constant looking after, I will get more freedom and be able to do some of the things I've been dreaming about for the last years... and I wouldn't like to start it all over again, but I know a part of me is going to miss it for the rest of my life. There is a certain magic in seeing a child going from almost a baby at 1 1/2 to a talking, acting little person at 2 1/2. There is such a strong feeling of being alive, of being needed, there is such a deep, animalistic sense of purpose in raising small kids. I know that in a few years, I will not be quite as important a person for my kids as I am now. They will take more and more control over their lives, and I will have less and less control. That's the way it should be and the way it has to be, and it will be a pleasure and pride to see it, but also sadness. I'll know by then if I don't already that I'm not getting any younger.

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LalaithUrwen
Post subject: Re: The line of generations
Posted: Thu 27 Nov , 2008 10:35 pm
The Grey Amaretto as Supermega-awesome Proud Heretic Girl
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:hug:

I think all of those stages are so bittersweet. You want your children to grow and develop and gain independence, and you certainly want the increased freedoms that come with the children growing older. But, as you say, it is sad, too.

I can remember thinking very distinctly when my youngest daughter was about 14 or 15 months old and still nursing but getting close to quitting that this was probably my last time to nurse a child.

Good and bad. Bittersweet. :neutral:


Lali

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jewelsong
Post subject: Re: The line of generations
Posted: Fri 28 Nov , 2008 5:17 pm
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I remember my father looking at me wistfully (as I got older, and even after I was an adult) and saying, "Oh, Julie...I remember when you were born." He'd get all teary-eyed about it.

I just thought it was a cute Daddy-type thing to say. Until my OWN kids got older and became young adults and independent and on their own...and now...now...

Now I know EXACTLY how he felt. And I know EXACTLY why he got misty-eyed about it.

My children. My dear, dear children. I remember when you were born.

:bawl:


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Nin
Post subject: Re: The line of generations
Posted: Sat 29 Nov , 2008 8:57 pm
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I wondered why this affected me so much, especially as I was not close to my grand-mother.

I think partially it is because as an atheist I do not believe in any after live. I believe that our trace is in our lifes, and when I see that not even her own daughters come to the funeral of my grand-mother (only one out of three), I say to myself, that all is vain, that anyway, we leave nothing.

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ToshoftheWuffingas
Post subject: Re: The line of generations
Posted: Sat 29 Nov , 2008 9:00 pm
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That is why telling stories from people's lives is so important. Stories last beyond a life.

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aulini
Post subject: Re: The line of generations
Posted: Sat 29 Nov , 2008 9:35 pm
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Nin wrote:
I wondered why this affected me so much, especially as I was not close to my grand-mother.

I think partially it is because as an atheist I do not believe in any after live. I believe that our trace is in our lifes, and when I see that not even her own daughters come to the funeral of my grand-mother (only one out of three), I say to myself, that all is vain, that anyway, we leave nothing.
Sorry about your grandmother! There is a line from Monty Python's 'Always look at the bright side of life' that I love:
"You came from nothing, you're going back to nothing. What have you lost? Nothing!"
I totally get what you're saying and I don't want to make light of it. But the brutal fact is that whether the church is empty or full, whether your grandmother had the best or worst relations with her relatives, doesn't matter to her anymore. It might still matter to you and others who are still alive of course. But in the end, the living need to take care of the living and leave the dead to rest in peace.

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