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the annoyance of mild telepathy

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MariaHobbit
Post subject: the annoyance of mild telepathy
Posted: Wed 22 Apr , 2009 7:01 pm
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When you've been married to someone for 25 years, of course you think alike. Of course you'll finish each other's sentances. But sometimes it gets a bit weird.

I've known for years now that I can sometimes feel my husband's pain. It's a documented phenomenon that scientist's have studied with couples, where when one person of a couple is caused pain, their partner's pain receptors in their brain light up. I'm used to that. When you know it's happening, you can block it easily enough.

Yesterday, however, we noticed something new.

I'm overweight again (as heavy as I've ever been before). He always keeps pace with me- staying about 50 lbs heavier than I am. My ankle has been malfunctioning all week, and it's never done that before.

Yesterday about 3:45 pm I got up to walk to a coworker's office and pain shot through my hip, as well as my ankle. I ignored it and limped along, trying to be unobtrusive about it. As I was walking back to my desk, I suddenly realized it's all this weight putting extra stress on my joints causing the problem. I'm too darn heavy. I've got to lose weight.

When my husband came to pick me up at 4:30, he asked how I was and I said, "Grumpy!" and told him why. His jaw dropped and he asked when this happened. Then he went on to tell me how he was walking in the garden of the company he works for at about 3:30 ish and had a bad moment where pain stabbed him in the low back and shot into his hip and he had the same realization. He's too heavy, the weight is causing it, and he needed to lose weight.

It felt like my idea to me. It felt like his idea to him. We hadn't talked about being overweight or anything like that in months. We hadn't seen or talked to each other for 3 hours prior to the incident.

I'm used to feeling his pain as my pain. He was away for a business conference last month and airplane rides always cause him problems because he's so big-- but he delayed going to the chiropractor for a week afterwards for one reason and another. I had a crick in my neck the whole time. I knew it was him and not me, though, because I hadn't done anything that might have caused it. So I just waited until he went to the chiropractor and sure enough, a couple of hours after he saw her my neck pain cleared up and I've been fine since then.

But that's just pain. I've picked up pain off of my coworker once (she had a bad toothache) and I was wondering if I ought to go see a dentist when she wandered into my office complaining and I realized it was HER toothache I was feeling! So, I blocked it and all was fine.

But this new thing is different. Was it my thought or his thought? Both of us had the same *Eureka* moment at approximately the same time. It would be cool if we could control this and recognize each other's thoughts as belonging to the other person and have a built in long distance communication system- but we don't. What use is having the same thought at the same time? Or for feeling each other's pains, for that matter? It just gives us double the apparent pain in our lives. *sigh*

It's kinda confusing. If this sort of thing were useful, I'd need to be able to distinguish my thoughts from his thoughts. My pain from his pain. And it'd be darn handy to feel other gradiations of emotion beyond PAIN. But no. We get just enough weirdness to be weird but not useful. Painful not pleasant. Perhaps we are too stubborn and territorial to let each other in more than that. I dunno.

OK.

Well.

Comments, anyone?

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sauronsfinger
Post subject: Re: the annoyance of mild telepathy
Posted: Wed 22 Apr , 2009 7:35 pm
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Maria

I bet that are lots of folks who would love to write what you just wrote. You have a real bond with another human being that goes beyond what is scientifically explainable. Sounds to me like that is something special to be cherished. That pain sounds pretty amazing to me.

For the pain you both are lucky enough to feel :toast:

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There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old's life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs. - John Rogers


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MariaHobbit
Post subject: Re: the annoyance of mild telepathy
Posted: Wed 22 Apr , 2009 7:51 pm
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I've tried blocking his pain before, but it just feels *wrong*. Bad. Kind of like running out of air.... So I don't. The enhanced sympathy is so common now that one of us complains about something, and the other says "me, too", and then we'll look at each other, laugh and roll our eyes and say, "OK, now which of us is it?" There's no use in both of us taking painkillers!

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sauronsfinger
Post subject: Re: the annoyance of mild telepathy
Posted: Wed 22 Apr , 2009 8:36 pm
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What about if both of you helped each other on a mutual weight loss program? Do you think that is possible?

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There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old's life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs. - John Rogers


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Ara-anna
Post subject: Re: the annoyance of mild telepathy
Posted: Wed 22 Apr , 2009 8:52 pm
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Maria,

I think it's amazing that you and your husband have such a good connection. I think that sometimes mothers have some type of connection to their children, not all the time, but some mothers do.

I think my kids as twins have a much stronger connection, they always have. It's interesting to see them do this telepathy at times, sometimes they bug each other with it.

Anyway maybe you and your husband can try alternative forms of exercise, something like Zumba or Belly Dancing (men can do it too ;) ). Or even water exercise.

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MariaHobbit
Post subject: Re: the annoyance of mild telepathy
Posted: Wed 22 Apr , 2009 9:17 pm
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We actually did figure out that we might be sabotaging each other's attempts to diet in the past by not doing it at the same time. If we are both exercising self control at the same time instead of picking up *yummy cookie* vibes from the one not dieting- then maybe we'll stick with it longer.

We get adequate exercise. It's just portion control and content that is the self discipline problem.

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Ara-anna
Post subject: Re: the annoyance of mild telepathy
Posted: Wed 22 Apr , 2009 9:26 pm
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I figured you were pretty active, what with all those animals to care for.

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MariaHobbit
Post subject: Re: the annoyance of mild telepathy
Posted: Wed 03 Jun , 2009 6:05 pm
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A new twist:

He has low back pain today. I have bad menstrual cramps.

I told him don't get upset about it, the pain will likely be gone in a day or so.

My sympathy for his complaint is pretty low this time. Which is probably a good thing or we'd get a feedback loop thing going .

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LalaithUrwen
Post subject: Re: the annoyance of mild telepathy
Posted: Thu 04 Jun , 2009 3:12 am
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That's really kind of funny. And neat.

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Impenitent
Post subject: Re: the annoyance of mild telepathy
Posted: Thu 04 Jun , 2009 3:15 am
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MariaHobbit wrote:
If we are both exercising self control at the same time instead of picking up *yummy cookie* vibes from the one not dieting- then maybe we'll stick with it longer.
This would never work with me. I'm always in yummy cookie mode. I've short-circuited the off switch on that one. :blackeye:

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MariaHobbit
Post subject: Re: the annoyance of mild telepathy
Posted: Thu 04 Jun , 2009 1:55 pm
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I've been brainwashing myself the past week, telling myself over and over: "I'm NOT hungry." and "I don't want ANYTHING sweet!" I've even been eating pancakes in the morning without syrup, just butter, since I know I'm a sugar addict.

Sometimes my body rebels and says "LIAR!" at me, but for the most part the mental strategy of the diet is working well. I've even got a bag of chocolates in my desk at work that I keep there for settling my stomach when it gets upset- haven't touched them, either. And as a bonus, I haven't had a problem with my stomach for days now. :) I knew the overweight was causing the problem!

I kind of like the way we are doing this- each to their own method, just recording the daily weigh in results on the same piece of paper where we can see each other's progress. He's going for the more exercise route, while I'm just doing the same stuff and cutting calories. I'm still ahead, though. :cool:

Edit: I thought this was the Manweista thread! :shock: :oops: Oh well. Background for Impy: we have decided to BOTH lose 40 lbs and started about a week ago. We are keeping track of pounds lost. I'm at -3.5 now and he's at -2. He's very competitive, so this should keep him going.

Also, it may be that he has hurt his back and that's why my cramps were so awful this time. :blackeye: We'll see, soon.

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Amrunelen
Post subject: Re: the annoyance of mild telepathy
Posted: Fri 05 Jun , 2009 5:01 pm
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Relating to the initial topic, interesting. :)

Sometimes my college roomate and I claim to have this connection. Mutual thinking of something at the same time.....cravings for a certain snack. When she visited me here in Scotland, for one instance, a couple of mornings after we had watched Stardust I was doing something in the kitchen and a bit of music popped in my head....30 seconds give or take later, Melissa comments she has music from the movie stuck in her head. Same. Exact. Bit. :P

I don't know if it's because our likes are so similar or because we've been living in such close proximity for most of the past three years....at least 4 semesters worth of sharing a bedroom in our school housing and we get along perfectly. It was amusing to see this 'connection' still working when I've been here studying in Scotland and she's been studying in Italy. While she was there I also seemed to have the habit of popping online whenever she was planning on heading off to study or something, thus delaying her further. :blackeye:

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LalaithUrwen
Post subject: Re: the annoyance of mild telepathy
Posted: Sat 06 Jun , 2009 3:05 am
The Grey Amaretto as Supermega-awesome Proud Heretic Girl
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Well, it could be entirely coincidental, but tonight at dinner Sarah said, "Hey! Maybe we can go to Dairy Queen tonight!" The split second before I had just had the same thought. :Q

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MariaHobbit
Post subject: Re: the annoyance of mild telepathy
Posted: Mon 08 Jun , 2009 1:39 pm
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Cool. :)

That kind of thing happens all the time in my household. Especially "telephone telepathy". I'll think of one of my kids and wonder how they are doing and a minute or two later that kid will call.

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