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Emotional IQ

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Ara-anna
Post subject: Re: Emotional IQ
Posted: Mon 12 Apr , 2010 6:40 pm
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MariaHobbit wrote:
Sometimes I read an empath's board (because their techniques for dealing with crowds are useful to me) and I often see requests from people for someone to do a "reading" for them from a supplied picture. So many of the people on that board take that right in stride and post the impressions they get and the the problems they sense and give advice accordingly- but all I see is a face. :shrug: Nothing at all comes to me. It's like ink blots. Show me an ink blot, and I see........... an inkblot 99% of the time.

In person, if I'm around someone who is upset, I feel pressure pushing against me. If they are in pain, and they are someone I'm connected to- I can feel their pain. Actual emotions, though, don't make sense to me in that context.

I'm beginning to think I'm an empath with Aspergers. I'm wired to feel emotional energy- but it doesn't make any kind of sense to me. Except the sympathy pains, of course. And those are kind of annoying.

I don't even understand my own emotions some of the time. Yesterday a song on the radio made me cry, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why. It was a song about a guy remembering how much fun he had learning to drive, and how much he was looking forward to teaching his daughters how to drive, and how someday they'll look back and remember how much fun they had learning to drive.

You wouldn't think that would be a tear jerker, but it was. :scratch: I confuse myself.

I think you and I differ in the empathy aspect, I'm usually too empathitic. If anyone around me is crying...turn on the water works, said commericals make me cry (the ASPCA one makes me a bawling idiot). I've always picked up on peoples emotions, and ink blots are like a creative mine field for me (I can see an ink blot and see butterflies, moths, ect.) I can read peoples emotions even by the tone in their voices. When I was younger I could calm my uncles horses down, he always said I was a horse whisperer, I always thought it was easy to see the horse was upset and needed reassurance. :shrug:

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Holbytla
Post subject: Re: Emotional IQ
Posted: Mon 12 Apr , 2010 11:49 pm
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Quote:
Self-report Component
Subscale IQ score = 111
Subscale percentile = 79






According to your self-report answers, your emotional intelligence is satisfactory.
Meh.

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elfshadow
Post subject: Re: Emotional IQ
Posted: Tue 13 Apr , 2010 3:20 am
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I don't like the insinuation from the test that you are emotionally unintelligent if you don't like expressing your emotions. I don't really do the whole "talk about your feelings" bit to very many people at all, but I am usually pretty good at knowing how others are feeling. I think there is a HUGE difference between being emotionally expressive and emotionally aware.


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LalaithUrwen
Post subject: Re: Emotional IQ
Posted: Tue 13 Apr , 2010 5:05 am
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You know, as I've thought about this some more, that is exactly how I feel, elsha.

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laureanna
Post subject: Re: Emotional IQ
Posted: Tue 13 Apr , 2010 5:58 am
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I cracked the code!

First I went to all of the questions at the beginning that had me self-assess. All of the "I feel uncomfortable when..." type questions I answered with "almost never" or "completely false".

Then I answered all of the other questions, the difficult ones that they would use to assess my actual abilities, as "I don't know".

So... remember that the free part is only the self assessment part. I decided to give myself a glowing assessment, and my score was.....(drumroll)




Quote:
Self-report Component
Subscale IQ score = 151
Subscale percentile = 99.97


151
According to your self-report answers, your emotional intelligence is excellent. People who score like you do feel that they have almost no trouble understanding and dealing with their own emotions and those of others. They have an easy time overcoming difficulties in their lives and they are able to control their moods. It’s easy for them to motivate themselves to overcome obstacles and reach their goals. In addition, they find social interactions to be quite easy and fulfilling, for several reasons. They are comfortable allowing themselves to get close with others, and feel comfortable being vulnerable enough to establish intimacy. They also report having an easy time offering support to others; this is likely due to an empathetic nature and a clear mind when it comes to offering good advice.
***preens***

But seriously, all this test does is tell you that you think highly of yourself or you don't. You may be a highly empathic person that everyone loves to be around, but if you have a perfectionist streak or put yourself down, you will score as having low emotional intelligence. All of those other questions you mulled over? What were those raised eyebrows indicating? Which would be the best way to break the news to her friend? etc. Those questions were completely ignored in the "free" score. I answered "I don't know" or "completely ineffectual" to every one of them and they did not figure into my self-assessment score.

So if you want someone to impartially assess your emotional intelligence (if that can actually be assessed by your answers to their questions) you are going to have to take the test again and pay their fee to get the "full score".

Personally, I think most of you are short changing yourselves. All of the people who have commented in this thread so far, in my oh so humble opinion, have high EQs and are very insightful and pleasant people to be around.

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nienna
Post subject: Re: Emotional IQ
Posted: Tue 13 Apr , 2010 6:06 am
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Thanks, Laureanna, you've confirmed what we all kinda suspected...

(and that makes me feel tons better! :) )

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Estel Dúnadan
Post subject: Re: Emotional IQ
Posted: Tue 13 Apr , 2010 12:41 pm
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Thanks, Laureanna. Yes, I'm learning quickly not to take online tests too seriously.

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Ara-anna
Post subject: Re: Emotional IQ
Posted: Tue 13 Apr , 2010 1:04 pm
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Laureanne

Thanks for that, I know most on-line tests are fairly easy to crack and not all that accurate to begin with. I have always been over empathic, picking up on peoples emotions easily, overly sensitive. Last April on a road trip a friend of mine and I ran across a car wreck and he made me stop driving because I cried for a good 20 minutes driving down the road. It's one of the main reasons I'm introverted, peoples emotions tend to drain me. And if an emotional vampire latches onto me they drain me quickly causing me to get depressed and frustrated.

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MariaHobbit
Post subject: Re: Emotional IQ
Posted: Tue 13 Apr , 2010 2:29 pm
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Once we were on the highway, and could see a long line of cars backed up on the other two lanes where there'd been an accident. I couldn't see what happened, but as we drove past the spot, I got a sudden severe headache right between my eyes. Horrible pain. We found out later that a horse trailer had crashed, and several horses had been so badly wounded they had to be put down.

I think I'm more open to animal emotion, because it's usually safe. Animals are simple and easy to understand compared to humans.

Over in the empath forum, I put forth the proposition that instead of being opposites, that empaths and Asperger's syndrome people have much in common. That perhaps people who have very high empathic abilities as children are overwhelmed by them and turn them OFF and become autistic or aspergers. Several people agreed with me and gave me interesting anecdotes about autistic and aspergers people and how they have to cope with things.

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vison
Post subject: Re: Emotional IQ
Posted: Tue 13 Apr , 2010 2:54 pm
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I think we're all getting a little bit, um, too emotional here. :D I don't know anyone who can see a car wreck or someone in pain without being "upset", or without feeling that pain in some way. I don't know anyone who can see someone suffering, in tears, whatever, without experiencing discomfort and empathy to some degree.

There might be such people, but I don't know any.

What you DO when you experience these things is far, far more important than what you FEEL. Are you going to drive by a car wreck and leave people to bleed to death because it causes you such pain to see and hear them? I think not. If you do, then what does that say about you? (I mean, of course, if you are first on the scene.) Are you going to scurry past your weeping co-worker because her pain is making you uncomfortable?

Some of us have difficuly dealing with strong emotions. I know my Mum does. I think she's afraid her emotions are TOO strong. She sometimes seems to think she's the only one who feels certain things - she'll say, "Oh, I couldn't do that, I'm too sensitive," but, in fact, she's done lots of hard stuff in her life. And I call it "hard stuff" when you do things that HURT, with your emotions nearly overpowering you. It's easier to do things when you don't care, when you aren't emotionally involved.

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MariaHobbit
Post subject: Re: Emotional IQ
Posted: Tue 13 Apr , 2010 3:46 pm
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I don't know about that. I'm guilty of seeing a completely smashed car (ambulances were already in attendance) and just gaping for a moment and thinking, "well, they're dead" , shrugging it off and driving on. It wasn't until later when I saw in the paper that it was a couple of high school kids on their way to school that I cried.

And yes, they were dead.

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vison
Post subject: Re: Emotional IQ
Posted: Tue 13 Apr , 2010 4:05 pm
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MariaHobbit wrote:
I don't know about that. I'm guilty of seeing a completely smashed car (ambulances were already in attendance) and just gaping for a moment and thinking, "well, they're dead" , shrugging it off and driving on. It wasn't until later when I saw in the paper that it was a couple of high school kids on their way to school that I cried.

And yes, they were dead.
So? That kind of reaction is nothing to "feel guilty" about. First of all, you were right to drive on and not just be a nuisance to the emergency personel, and second, your delayed reaction is pretty much the usual. Let's say the dead people were an old couple on their way to see their first great-grandchild? A pair of honeymooners? Would you have shrugged that off?

I don't see anything unusual in your reaction, Maria. Seems perfectly ordinary to me.

If there was any vast validity to any given person having unusual empathy? That person would go nuts in a week, what with all the pain and suffering in this world. The human race would have died out a long time ago.

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Riverthalos
Post subject: Re: Emotional IQ
Posted: Tue 13 Apr , 2010 4:16 pm
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I don't look at car wrecks, not any more than I must to keep myself and the emergency personnel safe. Rubber-necking and reacting just creates more problems for the first responders. In fact, it can cause another accident and then you've gone from accident scene to clusterfuck. Better to just drive on and stow the shakes or the tears or whatever your personal preferred reaction is for later.

Self-control or basic survival skills don't equate with a lack of empathy. I have witnessed true and complete and total empathy fails. It's not the same.

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Ara-anna
Post subject: Re: Emotional IQ
Posted: Tue 13 Apr , 2010 6:46 pm
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Even with my emotions I stop and help. Strangely enough when I am in the middle of things I am calm, it's afterwards I cry. I am a registered First Responder and have helped several times at car wrecks, that during the moment I was calm. However the car wreck we came upon was one that the emergency people were already at, and by the looks of the wreckage it was bad, I found out later it was a 5 year old and his mother that had passed away. However, driving by it and knowing by looking at the wreckage I knew someone had died and I cried.

I have also cried after running over a skunk, as I got out of my car to see if it was dead and not laying there in pain. My son was mom it's a skunk. However when my son had his asthma attack and turned blue and stopped breathing, I switched into first resopnder mode and did what I needed almost as a robot, not because I could have broken down, but because the option of me breaking down wasn't an option. His sister was crying an freaking out and my ex-husband was in such shock that he couldn't get the phone to dial 911. And when my step daughter died, my friend and I were the only ones calm enough to handle everything, and the two of us are normally the two bawl boobs in the group.

I have found that those of us who are often over emotionally sentitive handle the really rough stuff clamer. Of course this is just my observation. :shrug:



And if a coworker is crying I always stop and ask if things are alright.

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MariaHobbit
Post subject: Re: Emotional IQ
Posted: Tue 13 Apr , 2010 7:15 pm
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vison wrote:
If there was any vast validity to any given person having unusual empathy? That person would go nuts in a week, what with all the pain and suffering in this world.
That's kind of my point. (or one of them, anyway!) Maybe some people are overwhelmed by excessive empathy, and retreat into autism spectrum disorders to escape the din.

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Riverthalos
Post subject: Re: Emotional IQ
Posted: Tue 13 Apr , 2010 7:23 pm
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I wonder if that's what drives the more empathic types to stop and help - it's more painful to stand aside than it is to step in.

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Ara-anna
Post subject: Re: Emotional IQ
Posted: Wed 14 Apr , 2010 1:09 am
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Rio,

I sometimes fall into that catagory, I most always see if there is help needed. And after I have been overwhelmed with empathy I tend to retreat into my own house and own space for a while. I have a hard time in large crowds because I become overwhelmed and need to get away.

I am also an idealist by nature always looking for the good in things. I always have hope in the most bleak times and tend to stay in bad situations. 10% of the time its good; 90% of the time it's not good for me. Due to my empathy being so over loaded I end up not wanting to hurt people to my own detriment. And then I retreat in to my own shell, sometimes for a long time. Or I used too, now I have really tall boundaries and have had to learn to block other peoples emotions, I guess moving more from empathy to sympathy (best way I can describe it).

I wonder sometimes if trama or some trigger does add to the cause of autism, if there is some chemical change in a young child's brain development during a tramatic time that happens due to DNA variances and trama combined. What ever that switch is turns off....

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