Sunsilver -
I have held off saying things that may be misconstrued, but your mother passed very much the same way that my own grandmother did just four years ago, she had been in poor health with numerous bleeding problems, due to a very low clotting factor, followed by a series of debilitating medical problems that left her just a shadow of herself, and on top of that, towards the very end, unable to recognize any family members except her own two daughters, the rest she could not remember. She passed away at age 92 on March 3, 2001. She went peacefully, and had hopefully not suffered too much, all of the really serious problems had only happened within the previous fifteen months. She had a living will, which my mother and aunt fully honored.
We did not have a funeral but instead chose to have a life affirming memorial service. The internment was extremely private, only a handful of family attended, because for us as a whole, it was more important to remember my grandmother for who she was, and what she did, and the family that she left behind to remember her by. She had been predeceased by her husband in 1947, and then her eldest child and only son in 1993. She was survived by two daughters, nine grandchildren, and 24 great grandchildren, plus numerous other relatives. It was a wonderful celebration of her life, we all managed to get there from all over the country, and thankfully, all of us had had the time to come to terms with her deterioriating health and her happiness at being able to move on. As the oldest grandchild, I remember all too well what she was like when she was vital and full of life, and she knew ahead of time that her time was coming, and I will always remember her as she was, not at what her body had made her become at the very end.
Peace, Sunsilver. As long as those that lived are remembered, they are never ever gone, and your mother is in a better place, I am sure of it, even not being a Christian any longer, but her spirit has been freed and is able to rejoin those that have already moved on.
You are left to deal with the pain and the heartache, but, take some time to remember and grieve and appreciate and love and know that you are not alone. She sounds like she had a full life and a remembered life, and after all, what could be more important in the long run? She has those that knew her to carry the memories forward. If she could want anything, I am sure that this would be the best epitaph that she could have. To know that she was loved and made a difference to the people she cared about in the long run.
{{{{hugs}}}}