I just wanted to say that I'm not worried about people not agreeing with me. I just had issues with the some of the attitudes I detected, for whatever reason they may have been.
No, I tend to naturally go along with the crowd because I'm not very opinionated, and am open-minded to a fault. Like, there's not many opinions I
do have that aren't willing to change for fair reason. It was sort of a shame that this disagreement came on such a big issue, one that I really felt should have turned out a certain way, but I now recognize that there's no smart or dumb thing to do, nor a right or wrong way to do it, because it all comes down to your personal outlook anyway. If all the worst things I imagine happen, as I said before, it's still not going to convince some of you it was a mistake to keep the threads viewable, and that is not wrong of you think so. Due to
that, it
really doesn't matter what I say, not because I suggested a different course of action or said it too late, but because I'm going to look at any problems that arise differently from anyone else (as are they), and that's really what it all depends on, so it probably don't matter whether the threads are viewable or hidden. I posted something like this a couple pages ago, so it didn't suddenly pop into my head, okay?
Speaking of that -
Laureanna, I definitely never wanted the threads destroyed, I just didn't want them available for other people to see and constantly bring up. I
wanted them available for us, and even if they could be kept on the boards, I would have wished for them to stay there somehow. If they were deleted entirely, it would have been upsetting to lose that post count since I'm one of those people who
do take pride in the high numbers (it makes me think I've worked hard to contribute however-many funny, serious, informative, etc. posts). Losing post counts is like falling down a hill for me. But even if that happened, I'd be satisfied knowing a copy of them was on a disc somewhere so I could refer to them whenever I wanted. Reading up on the TORC posts yesterday and the day before was so fun. I mostly stuck to my own, but I was in tears laughing at others, and remembering the insanity surrounding those few months of threads. Some day, having joined in October of 2004 is going to be a big darn accomplishment and people will finally look at me like they do at some of you TORC oldbies. I look forward to that.
I must strongly point out that it was never a case of me
not standing by what I've said, it's just that if I knew certain people would read it, I probably would have softened it up a bit. There were lots of different approaches I took to writing on TORC during that time - super sweet (to Ted), calling Inny on her games, defending B77 as fairly as possible. I read a few things I'd said to oldtoby before he was a member here and blushed like crazy - I wasn't necessarily mean to him, but I was replying to his sentiments, not him as a person, and now that I know him a little better as that, I am somewhat embarrassed by my previous statements. Doesn't mean I think they're bullshit, there's just different ways to go about saying what you need.
The fact is, I went through every post of mine in those "problem" threads, and my grand total of deletions came to: 1. Just one. Then I edited a few spelling errors along the way.
Having been burned by very close friends over the simplest of sentences from myself, I've no doubt that anyone can twist my words into the worst their imagination and ill intents can come up with, but I've never been ashamed by anything I've written, for I recognize that they served a purpose during the time I wrote them. I, too, write assuming certain peoples may end up reading it, but perhaps my weakness is that I also write assuming they may ask me to elaborate on something, when I know that the folks who scare me are the ones that aren't going to give me that chance. This is where I get protective and try to hide things from everyone.
If it somehow gets me banned on TORC again, then that is their loss. If it loses me some friends, then perhaps they were fairweather friends. I'm hoping the true friends will PM me if they are upset or confused about something I said.
I generally agree with you, I just hate the thought of getting kicked out of anywhere, whether I go there often or not. My parents recently missed the point when I said I wouldn't ever want dad to think of me with the negative thoughts he has towards my spinster aunt. Mom was like, "oh, if he has a problem with you, he'll let you know," and I emphasized that it wasn't being
told that worried me, but knowing dad had a problem with me period! Mom says, "he'd let you know, though!" No, I don't like that thought being there in the first place. I wouldn't be happy with him bottling it up, of course, but I wouldn't want my father thinking ill of me at all, regardless of me knowing about it. It makes me
very uncomfortable knowing that people don't like me, but unlike my father, I doubt I could have a rational conversation about it with them. One where we worked it out and had one less problem in our lives.
Suppose I can't do much about it, but it makes me uncomfortable all the same.
*E*