board77

The Last Homely Site on the Web

Dear Chuck Norris

Post Reply   Page 5 of 10  [ 200 posts ]
Jump to page « 13 4 5 6 710 »
Author Message
Incurable
Post subject:
Posted: Wed 21 Dec , 2005 8:02 pm
The man...The Kilt...The POWER!
User avatar
Offline
 
Posts: 230
Joined: Mon 14 Nov , 2005 2:58 pm
Location: Boynton Beach, FL
 
No, No, No! they all get their butts kicked, and decide to put their martial arts medalions together in the air shouting" with our power combined we become....Jet Li!!!" he comes in and kicks all badguy butt.

_________________

[ img ]
'Steve, sex with two whole women, think of the advantages...they can't both fall asleep. If one of them suddenly leaves or punches you, you've still got one left. If one of them plays that old sneaking out of the window trick, there's someone there to untie you. It's total genius.'


Top
Profile Quote
MariaHobbit
Post subject:
Posted: Wed 21 Dec , 2005 8:09 pm
User avatar
Offline
 
Posts: 8041
Joined: Thu 03 Feb , 2005 2:39 pm
Location: MO
 
Riverthalos wrote:
Jackie Chan and Jet Li I'll give you MH. But Segal?? Ick!
LOL! You just say that because you are an aikidoka, and consider him a heretic! :P

I don't care much for his recent "save the environment" movies, but Under Siege is one of my favorites! :D

I can't stand Van Damme, by the way.

Of course my favorite martial artist is a 4th degree black belt in Judo, an ex- Army Ranger that I just happen to be married to. :love:


Top
Profile Quote
Amrunelen
Post subject:
Posted: Wed 21 Dec , 2005 9:52 pm
wencherific
User avatar
Offline
 
Posts: 4401
Joined: Sun 27 Mar , 2005 4:26 pm
Location: been here before, going in circles!
 
Where did all of this Chuck Norris spawn from anyway? :scratch:

How random...

Ah yes, I remember Walker, Texas Ranger.

_________________

[ img ]

"Morning has broken and I have felt a presence that disturbs
me with the joy of elevated thoughts; a sense sublime of
something far more deeply interfused, whose dwelling is the
light of setting suns, and the round ocean and the living air,
and the blue sky, and in the mind of man; a motion and a
spirit, that impels." -Wordsworth


Top
Profile Quote
Rodia
Post subject:
Posted: Fri 27 Jan , 2006 5:45 pm
User avatar
Offline
 
Posts: 5061
Joined: Wed 27 Oct , 2004 7:48 pm
 
On my sister's IM contact list, a status message:

"Bilbo didn't find the ring, it was Chuck Norris doing a roundhouse kick."

_________________

[ img ]
Help me go to the North Pole! by Magic Madzik, on Flickr

TRYING TO GET TO THE NORTH POLE! You can help by voting: http://www.blogyourwaytothenorthpole.com/entries/244


Top
Profile Quote
Lady_of_Rohan
Post subject:
Posted: Fri 27 Jan , 2006 6:12 pm
A maiden young and sad
Offline
 
Posts: 3304
Joined: Wed 27 Oct , 2004 10:49 pm
Location: Friendly quarters... sort of
Contact: Website
 
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

_________________

Ithilien, the garden of Gondor now desolate kept still a dishevelled dryad loveliness.

Sweet home Indiana
[ img ]


Top
Profile Quote
cemthinae
Post subject:
Posted: Fri 27 Jan , 2006 6:22 pm
TTBK's cemmie
User avatar
Offline
 
Posts: 5832
Joined: Thu 07 Jul , 2005 11:13 am
Location: Surfin' the Web
 
If you don't know who your biological father is, it's probably Chuck Norris.

_________________

[ img ]


Top
Profile Quote
TheMary
Post subject:
Posted: Fri 27 Jan , 2006 6:27 pm
I took the stars from my eyes, and then I made a map, And knew that somehow I could find my way back; Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too - So I stayed in the darkness with you
User avatar
Offline
 
Posts: 7067
Joined: Mon 27 Jun , 2005 3:44 pm
Location: On my tush!
 
Chuck Norris came in second place at the 1962 Zugswang. He lost to a Badger named Larry. All Badgers and people named Larry now have a Chuck Norris deathwish, beware.

_________________

Lay down
Your sweet and weary head
Night is falling
You’ve come to journey's end
Sleep now
And dream of the ones who came before
They are calling
From across the distant shore

Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see
All of your fears will pass away
Safe in my arms
You're only sleeping


Top
Profile Quote
halplm
Post subject:
Posted: Fri 27 Jan , 2006 7:01 pm
b77 whipping boy
User avatar
Offline
 
Posts: 9079
Joined: Tue 04 Jan , 2005 4:40 pm
 
Chuck Norris wishes he had Ron Burgundy's hair...


Wait, did I say that outloud?

_________________

I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.


Top
Profile Quote
yovargas
Post subject:
Posted: Fri 27 Jan , 2006 7:08 pm
User avatar
Offline
 
Posts: 14774
Joined: Thu 24 Feb , 2005 12:11 pm
 
It has long been rumored that Chuck Norris is really the actor inside the Teletubbies, when, in actuality, the Teletubbies are the actors inside Chuck Norris.


Top
Profile Quote
vison
Post subject:
Posted: Fri 27 Jan , 2006 7:37 pm
Best friends forever
User avatar
Offline
 
Posts: 6546
Joined: Fri 04 Feb , 2005 4:49 am
 
Do not Mock the Chuck.

The Chuck Sees All, Hears All, Reads All. :devil:

Or, The Chuck's Minions do!!!!!

Beware or you'll get a RKTTF or a RKTTA.

I mean it!!! :rage:

_________________

Living on Earth is expensive,
but it does include a free trip
around the sun every year.


Top
Profile Quote
cemthinae
Post subject:
Posted: Fri 27 Jan , 2006 7:42 pm
TTBK's cemmie
User avatar
Offline
 
Posts: 5832
Joined: Thu 07 Jul , 2005 11:13 am
Location: Surfin' the Web
 
Why, why, why does vison already have to be married?!!

:P

_________________

[ img ]


Top
Profile Quote
vison
Post subject:
Posted: Fri 27 Jan , 2006 8:04 pm
Best friends forever
User avatar
Offline
 
Posts: 6546
Joined: Fri 04 Feb , 2005 4:49 am
 
I think you will enjoy these. God knows I did! :D





Top Ten Chuck Norris Facts

1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

6. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

7. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies
the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

8. Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.

9. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

10. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

11. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.


Additional Chuck Norris Facts

* Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

* Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

* Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

* The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

* Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

* Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.

* If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

* Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

* When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

* The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

* Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.

* CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

* Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

* There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

* Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

* What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims
before they died? His shoe.

* Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

* Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

* Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

* Chuck Norris doesn't wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

* A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

* Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

* Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.

* If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

* Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

* Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will fuck you up.

* The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

* Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

* Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

* Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

* Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

* Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

* Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

* Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

* Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.

* Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

* In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

* Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Fuck was That?"

* Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

* Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

* Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.

* The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.

* In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

_________________

Living on Earth is expensive,
but it does include a free trip
around the sun every year.


Top
Profile Quote
TheMary
Post subject:
Posted: Fri 27 Jan , 2006 8:05 pm
I took the stars from my eyes, and then I made a map, And knew that somehow I could find my way back; Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too - So I stayed in the darkness with you
User avatar
Offline
 
Posts: 7067
Joined: Mon 27 Jun , 2005 3:44 pm
Location: On my tush!
 
cemthinae wrote:
Why, why, why does vison already have to be married?!!

:P
.....to Chuck Norris :Q

In a former life Chuck Norris is still Chuck Norris. There can only be one.

_________________

Lay down
Your sweet and weary head
Night is falling
You’ve come to journey's end
Sleep now
And dream of the ones who came before
They are calling
From across the distant shore

Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see
All of your fears will pass away
Safe in my arms
You're only sleeping


Top
Profile Quote
cemthinae
Post subject:
Posted: Fri 27 Jan , 2006 9:09 pm
TTBK's cemmie
User avatar
Offline
 
Posts: 5832
Joined: Thu 07 Jul , 2005 11:13 am
Location: Surfin' the Web
 
vison missed my favourite one:

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

This one is funny too:

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell them there was a stripper in it.

_________________

[ img ]


Top
Profile Quote
TheMary
Post subject:
Posted: Fri 27 Jan , 2006 9:25 pm
I took the stars from my eyes, and then I made a map, And knew that somehow I could find my way back; Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too - So I stayed in the darkness with you
User avatar
Offline
 
Posts: 7067
Joined: Mon 27 Jun , 2005 3:44 pm
Location: On my tush!
 
After having said that Cem I think it's safe to say that Chuck Norris doesn't get indigestion, indigestion gets Chuck Norris and a RHTTF!

_________________

Lay down
Your sweet and weary head
Night is falling
You’ve come to journey's end
Sleep now
And dream of the ones who came before
They are calling
From across the distant shore

Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see
All of your fears will pass away
Safe in my arms
You're only sleeping


Top
Profile Quote
cemthinae
Post subject:
Posted: Fri 27 Jan , 2006 9:42 pm
TTBK's cemmie
User avatar
Offline
 
Posts: 5832
Joined: Thu 07 Jul , 2005 11:13 am
Location: Surfin' the Web
 
Never thought I'd feel sorry for indigestion... but I kinda do...

;)

_________________

[ img ]


Top
Profile Quote
Lady_of_Rohan
Post subject:
Posted: Fri 27 Jan , 2006 9:42 pm
A maiden young and sad
Offline
 
Posts: 3304
Joined: Wed 27 Oct , 2004 10:49 pm
Location: Friendly quarters... sort of
Contact: Website
 
This thread makes me happy. :D:D:D

I was going to ask David Wenham to be my Valentine, then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked us both.

_________________

Ithilien, the garden of Gondor now desolate kept still a dishevelled dryad loveliness.

Sweet home Indiana
[ img ]


Top
Profile Quote
cemthinae
Post subject:
Posted: Fri 27 Jan , 2006 9:44 pm
TTBK's cemmie
User avatar
Offline
 
Posts: 5832
Joined: Thu 07 Jul , 2005 11:13 am
Location: Surfin' the Web
 
That'll teach ya!

:P

_________________

[ img ]


Top
Profile Quote
yovargas
Post subject:
Posted: Fri 27 Jan , 2006 10:07 pm
User avatar
Offline
 
Posts: 14774
Joined: Thu 24 Feb , 2005 12:11 pm
 
Currently on the ad banner:
Taekwondo Online Magazine
Do you love Tae Kwon Do? Voice of Tae Kwon Do
			
Date a Fighter
Meet someone who shares your passion for Fighting Arts. Free!
			
Vancouver Karate
Karate: training, clinics, standard ranking exam, special training camp
:cool:


Top
Profile Quote
elfshadow
Post subject:
Posted: Fri 27 Jan , 2006 10:36 pm
Kill the headlights and put it in neutral
Offline
 
Posts: 5407
Joined: Tue 09 Aug , 2005 2:27 am
 
:LMAO:

Vison, those were awesome. Whole bunch I hadn't heard before. You rule! :D


Top
Profile Quote
Display: Sort by: Direction:
Post Reply   Page 5 of 10  [ 200 posts ]
Return to “The Turf” | Jump to page « 13 4 5 6 710 »
Jump to: