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PostPosted: Sat 05 Jan , 2008 5:01 am 
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Can Chuck Norris beat himself up?


Of course he can, and he can beat himself to within an inch of his life, but being Chuck Norris, he can take it and more.

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PostPosted: Sat 05 Jan , 2008 6:15 am 
Same as it ever was

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vison wrote:
Can Chuck Norris beat himself up?


Of course he can, and he can beat himself to within an inch of his life, but being Chuck Norris, he can take it and more.


And, thusly, he should continue with his ads over that miraculous workout machine that he has endorsed and we can all otherwise forget about him. :D

Who the frak cares about Chuck Norris? "Walker, Texas Ranger" frankly sucked as a show, except for the inevitable fisticuffs and kickbox bits, Norris could not act his way out of a paper bag. I guess he could make some decent confetti using that same bag.

:devil:

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PostPosted: Sat 05 Jan , 2008 12:58 pm 
I've cried a thousand oceans, and I would cry a thousand more if that's what it takes to sail you home.

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That's the point, Watcher, no one really thinks he is some genius thespian. It's just a joke. Especially now that he is suing the publishers of a book about his amazing feats because he doesn't want people thinking that it's true.




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PostPosted: Sat 05 Jan , 2008 5:56 pm 
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I was so bummed to learn that Norris is suing. I had hoped he would realize that all this nonsense has elevated him to the status of Pop Icon.

There should be a joke in there somewhere.

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PostPosted: Sat 05 Jan , 2008 6:00 pm 
I've cried a thousand oceans, and I would cry a thousand more if that's what it takes to sail you home.

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So was I, vison, even aside from the fact that I am automatically disappointed when folks can't take a joke. :P

I mean, he read a bunch of the facts on one of those late night talk shows, he knew about them, it wasn't a surprise. I dunno, but the facts are much less exciting now. Way to ruin that, Chuck.




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PostPosted: Tue 26 Feb , 2008 11:53 am 
Als u het leven te ernstig neemt, mist u de betekenis.
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Screenshot from the upcoming ROTK: EEE. PJ, I love ya and all you've done to put us Tolkien geeks into the mainstream, but this crosses a line.


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PostPosted: Tue 26 Feb , 2008 5:53 pm 
The Grey Amaretto as Supermega-awesome Proud Heretic Girl
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:LMAO: :LMAO:

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PostPosted: Sat 01 Mar , 2008 12:32 pm 
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Wrong on so many levels... and yet so right :damnfunny:

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PostPosted: Sat 01 Mar , 2008 9:26 pm 
A song outlasts a dynasty.
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*displays enormous ignorance*

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PostPosted: Mon 10 Mar , 2008 3:05 pm 
of Vinyamar
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Go to Google

Type in "Find Chuck Norris"

Hit "I feel lucky"

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PostPosted: Mon 10 Mar , 2008 3:24 pm 
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That's absolutely brilliant! :LMAO:

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PostPosted: Mon 10 Mar , 2008 3:27 pm 
The Grey Amaretto as Supermega-awesome Proud Heretic Girl
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Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.



:damnfunny:

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PostPosted: Mon 10 Mar , 2008 9:11 pm 
A song outlasts a dynasty.
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*is bamboozled*

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PostPosted: Mon 10 Mar , 2008 10:18 pm 
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:damnfunny:


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PostPosted: Mon 31 Mar , 2008 5:51 pm 
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These "Chuck Norris Facts" are awesome! Apologies if they've already been posted :blackeye:

    1. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

    2. There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

    3. Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

    4. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

    5. Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

    6. Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

    7. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

    8. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird

    9. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

    10. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

    11. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

    12. Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

    13. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

    14. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

    15. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

    16. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

    17. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

    18. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

    19. Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

    20. Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

    21. Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

    22. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

    23. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

    24. Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

    25. Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

    26. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

    27. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win..... Forever

    28. Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

    29. Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

    30. In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

    31. Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"

    32. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

    33. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

    34. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

    35. Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.

    36. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

    37. There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

    38. Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

    39. Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.

    40. Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"







Here's my absolute favorite :LMAO:

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean

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PostPosted: Mon 31 Mar , 2008 8:21 pm 
I've cried a thousand oceans, and I would cry a thousand more if that's what it takes to sail you home.

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The blood donation one lolololol :damnfunny:




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PostPosted: Mon 31 Mar , 2008 8:31 pm 
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I thought Chuck Norris is incapable of doing pushups. What happens instead is that the entire planet attempts to get away from Chuck Norris’ fists.

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PostPosted: Tue 01 Apr , 2008 9:45 am 
The man, the myth, the monkey
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From what I heard, the reason Chuck Norris is suing isn't because he has no sense of humor. It's because these guys are making money off his name and likeness without his permission (and without giving him a fair cut of the profits.)
That's perfectly reasonable, IMHO.

Oh. And Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

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PostPosted: Tue 01 Apr , 2008 2:32 pm 
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Who's making money?

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PostPosted: Tue 01 Apr , 2008 9:20 pm 
The man, the myth, the monkey
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The guys who run http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/.
He didn't sue them until they published a book of Chuck Norris facts. Can't say that I blame him.
If someone was selling Angbasdil monkey figurines, I'd want a cut.

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