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PostPosted: Sun 18 Apr , 2010 8:03 pm 
Aspiring to heresy
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Gandalf: Look ahead! The Bridge is near. It is dangerous and narrow. (halts) Lead the way, Gimli! Pippin and Merry next. Straight on, and up the stair beyond the door.

The Fellowship hurry across the Bridge. Legolas turns, and sets an arrow to his string. Suddenly he drops it with a cry of fear.

Pippin:(staring) What in Middle-Earth is that?

Merry: Um... a cave-troll?

Pippin: You think so? Wait... how does that song go: "Learn now the lore of living creatures! Aardvark the fearless, always digging,
Ant the insect, scourge of picnics..."

(Merry, Frodo and Sam join in)
Pippin, Merry, Frodo and Sam: "Armadillo clad in leathery armour,
Axolotl, grower of severed limbs..."

Legolas: I should just like to point out that it's getting closer as we speak. Don't let me rush your deliberations, mind you...

Aragorn: (listening to the hobbit song) Oh, this will take forever. (rummages through knapsack, takes out "Arwen's Origin of the Species" and begins to ruffle through the pages) Ooookay.... it's not a fox.... aaaaaand.... it's not a wizard...

Gandalf: :suspicious:

Aragorn: (continuing to flip through the pages) hmmm.... doesn't appear to be an orc, either. Is it allied with the forces of evil?

Legolas: I wonder if I should mention that it just stepped onto the Bridge? You know, we could just sort of move along as we discuss this...

Pippin, Merry, Frodo and Sam: "Albatross, harbinger of disaster,
Antelope, even-toed ungulate..."

Aragorn: (continuing to flip through the pages) hmmm... hmmm... certainly not one of those...

Legolas: ... kind of like a "walk and talk" discussion, sort of thing?

Aragorn: Uh-oh.

Boromir: What? What?

Aragorn: It's a Balrog.

Legolas: Ai! Ai! A Balrog! A Balrog is come!

Boromir: A Balrog? Hang on, let me see that thing. (grabs the book from Aragorn and studies it intently)

Legolas: Ai! A Balrog! A Balrog comes itself! Aaaaaiiii!!!

Gandalf: Fool of a Took! (whacks Legolas with his staff)

Pippin: Excuse me? I'm the Took around here! He's no Took!

Gandalf: Oh. Right. Sorry. (whacks Pippin with his staff)

Boromir: (studying the description in the book) Are you sure that's a Balrog? The one in the book doesn't have any wings.

Aragorn: You think those are wings? They look more like vast shadows to me.

Legolas: (rubbing his head) Ai.

Gandalf: Well, there's one way we can see if it has wings. As soon as it steps onto the Bridge, I'll use my amazing Maia superpowers to break it asunder. (advances to the edge of the Bridge, chuckling mischievously)

Aragorn: Ah. Good idea, Gandalf.

Boromir: What? How will that tell us whether it has wings or not?

Aragorn: Well, you see... (carefully watching the advancing figure) when the bridge disappears from under it... if it doesn't have wings... it won't be able to...

Pippin: Won't be able to what?

Gandalf: Fly, you fools! (exit, pursued by a Balrog)

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PostPosted: Sun 18 Apr , 2010 8:24 pm 
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Location: Gone to the dogs!
:rofl:
[bows to the master]
:bow: :bow: :bow:

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PostPosted: Sun 18 Apr , 2010 8:27 pm 
The best things in life are not things
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:damnfunny: Brilliant, Jude!

Ai! :devil:

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PostPosted: Sun 18 Apr , 2010 9:26 pm 
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:LMAO:

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PostPosted: Mon 19 Apr , 2010 12:43 am 
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Bazinga! :rofl:

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PostPosted: Mon 19 Apr , 2010 2:09 am 
bioalchemist
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:damnfunny: :rofl: :LMAO: :damnfunny:

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PostPosted: Mon 19 Apr , 2010 2:55 am 
I've cried a thousand oceans, and I would cry a thousand more if that's what it takes to sail you home.

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Jude wrote:
takes out “Arwen's Origin of the Species” and begins to ruffle through the pages

Niiice. :thumbsup




*E*

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PostPosted: Mon 19 Apr , 2010 12:58 pm 
The Grey Amaretto as Supermega-awesome Proud Heretic Girl
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:damnfunny:

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PostPosted: Mon 19 Apr , 2010 2:07 pm 
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:D

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PostPosted: Mon 19 Apr , 2010 7:31 pm 
Als u het leven te ernstig neemt, mist u de betekenis.
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Jude wrote:
Gandalf: Fly, you fools! (exit, pursued by a Balrog)

See? It's not only the balrog where having wings or not was ambiguous.

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Screenshot from the upcoming ROTK: EEE. PJ, I love ya and all you've done to put us Tolkien geeks into the mainstream, but this crosses a line.


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PostPosted: Mon 19 Apr , 2010 10:55 pm 
Revenge of the Salmon
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:LMAO: That's rather clever, Jude!

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PostPosted: Thu 22 Apr , 2010 2:04 pm 
Hasta la victoria, siempre
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That was awesome! :D Legolas's sudden random spazzout was even funnier here than it was in canon... =:)

*~Pips~*

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PostPosted: Thu 22 Apr , 2010 2:07 pm 
The Grey Amaretto as Supermega-awesome Proud Heretic Girl
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:salmon:

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PostPosted: Thu 22 Apr , 2010 2:12 pm 
Hasta la victoria, siempre
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Oh, you know it. :P

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PostPosted: Thu 22 Apr , 2010 2:19 pm 
The Grey Amaretto as Supermega-awesome Proud Heretic Girl
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Well, yeaaaah, maybe. But I loved his little freak out. I thought, "Oh my gosh! If Legolas is scared, it must be something AWFUL!"

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PostPosted: Thu 22 Apr , 2010 2:24 pm 
Aspiring to heresy
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In an alternate reality, Jude was born several thousand years earlier and found himself in the Third Age travelling with another man, four hobbits, a wizard, an elf and a dwarf over the Pass of Caradhras
________________________________________
Aragorn was the tallest of the Company, but Jude, little less in height, was broader and heavier in build. He led the way, and Aragorn followed him. Slowly they moved off, and were soon toiling heavily. In places the snow was breast-high, and often Jude seemed to be swimming or burrowing with his great arms rather than walking.

Legolas watched them for a while with a smile upon his lips, and then he turned to the others. "The strongest must seek a way, say you? But I say: let a ploughman plough, but choose an otter for swimming, and for running light over grass and leaf, or over snow -- an Elf."

Jude rolled his eyes. "I don't suppose actually helping us would be on your agenda?" he asked through clenched teeth.

At that, Legolas sprang forth nimbly, and then Frodo noticed as if for the first time, though he had long known it, that the Elf had no boots, but wore only light shoes, as he always did, and his feet made little imprint in the snow.

"Farewell!" he said to Gandalf. "I go to find the Sun!" Then swift as a runner over firm sand he shot away, and quickly overtaking the toiling men, with a wave of his hand he passed them, and after he had gone further but a few feet he suddenly was knocked to the ground by a snowball. After a moment of confusion he shook the snow out of his long, flowing hair, and looked back. Although Jude pretended to be concentrating on digging the path, a faint smirk could be discerned upon his features.

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PostPosted: Thu 22 Apr , 2010 2:51 pm 
of Vinyamar
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I've met you Jude, and only in Fan-fiction could you be described as "broader and heavier in build" than a Ranger. ;)

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PostPosted: Thu 22 Apr , 2010 3:12 pm 
Aspiring to heresy
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If I lived in the Third Age, I wouldn't have access to the good nutrition I have now, and therefore I'd be broader and heavier in build.

That's my theory, anyway.

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PostPosted: Thu 22 Apr , 2010 4:34 pm 
The Grey Amaretto as Supermega-awesome Proud Heretic Girl
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:LMAO:

But :salmon: just because.

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PostPosted: Thu 22 Apr , 2010 4:50 pm 
Aspiring to heresy
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Wait! This story has a moral!
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As Legolas shook the white, wet flakes from his perfectly-coiffed hair, he remembered whence Jude hailed: a land far across the sea, far, far into the West, farther even than Valinor: a frozen wasteland known as Canada.

And he remembered the words of King Thranduil, his father: "My son, take heed unto my words and hearken to my voice; Do not piss off a Canadian when there is snow at hand lest thou wearest it thereafter."

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