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PostPosted: Thu 27 Sep , 2007 4:39 am 
Legendury speller
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The albino alabaster heads sat in silence for a long stretch. Finally one declaimed slowly to the another "Verily that slut knowest how to swing his sword." "Pity he did not know we were but jesting with him." The second joined in "I hate it when people lose their heads of the veriest sliver of a thing." The third just wistfully blinked his only orb not staring into the ground feeling on the whole, rather down in the mouth.

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Last edited by RELStuart on Thu 27 Sep , 2007 5:55 am, edited 2 times in total.

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PostPosted: Thu 27 Sep , 2007 4:50 am 
bioalchemist
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:damnfunny: :LMAO: :damnfunny:

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PostPosted: Thu 27 Sep , 2007 5:31 am 
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I can hardly see for laughing.

You guyz are terrific at this.

I shall await the next installment with baited breath.

Who knows what I'll catch? :D

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PostPosted: Thu 27 Sep , 2007 5:56 am 
The Grey Amaretto as Supermega-awesome Proud Heretic Girl
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:damnfunny: :damnfunny: :damnfunny: :LMAO: :LMAO:

Like Watcher, I have liquid squirting from my organs of sight!

********

Catherna and Grignr followed the quivering yet stalwart man, his alabaster skin shining in the pale light of the bright solar disc. He began to salaciously turn his organs of sight toward Catherna's shapely armpit and her ill-concealed melon-shaped orbs.

Grignr did not espy these furtive glances but fixed his gaze instead upon the dusty path before them, dotted with pools of gleaming, scarlet mud. Catherna, however, felt the man's heated gaze upon her but held her tongue inside her ruby orifice.

After traversing through the wooded plains for many spaces of time within the frame of one solar disc rising to setting, Grignr finally halted his steed and called to their guide to stop his forward movement of his appendages.

"We shall stop our march and rest ourselves for the space of one period of darkness." He swung his thick legs off his horse and placed his feet on the hard, yet yielding earth beneath him.

Catherna also swung herself off her vivaparous mammal, trying to keep the shoddy mantle around her glistening skin. The mantle caught in the horse's implements of steering, exposing her shapely armpit once more. The guide's rosy orifice leered open in a drooling grin and his tongue flicked over his yellow, pointy instruments of chewing.

Catherna jerked the cloak off the horse and flung it tight around herself. She spun on her heel and turned her organs of sight full upon him, drawing her oval into a scowl.

"You, Guide, will keep your organs of sight to yourself! Or I shall disconnect your oval from your neck!"

Grignr wheeled in surprise. "What means this discourse?" he asked in an pugnacious, conciliatory wave of sound.


****

This is hard!!!

Lali

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PostPosted: Thu 27 Sep , 2007 6:27 am 
Legendury speller
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I liked that "dismissing his face from her delicate left armpit" part. :D

(Edited since Lali posted hers first. :))

The albino alabaster guide whose dreaklocks blew proudly in the wind over his dirty shoulders straightened but set his trembling lips firmly about his yellowing mandibles. Carthena with left arm tightly pressed to her shapely side to keep her erstwile robe from flopping about in the cool mountain breeze exclaimed "Ho such a one! Can you not fix this cloake?" Carthena fixed her flexing face on the Barbarian with a gaze full of gambling emotions running across it like sheep on a hillside. "Hark thou woman" imposed the Barbarian, "I am more accustomed to disrobing lusty wentches such as yourself. Placard thine own vestures upon thy gut.

Carthena's orbs of seeing dialated upon the words of Grignr penetrating her organs of hearing. "Mayhap then" she stated wrenchingly "I can do without your ragged old cloake. Or better yet..." Carthena pulled a gilted blade from the top of her left tall hide bound boot. I'll make myself a harness out of this old thing." The Barbarian glared at the wench his bulging brows coming together across his broad forehead like two forests crashing together in an earthen quake. "If thou hast need of help divesting thyself perhap I can find thee another tree to help thee?" Grignr rasped with grinding lungs.

A lithesome slow smile played across Carthena's painted facial countence as she regarded the Barbarian's beatleing brows and corded steely sinews. "Mayhap thou canst get they guide to assist me if thou dost not feel up to the task great one" demurred the woman.

Grignr's fingered appendges creft towards the pommel of his sword as his engorged lips wrothe about his pale teeth with passion and fury.

Meanwhile back at the castle...

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"When people don't believe in you, you have to believe in yourself. "
Pierce Brosnan

"Please don't disillusion me. I haven't had breakfast yet." Card


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PostPosted: Thu 27 Sep , 2007 12:36 pm 
Aspiring to heresy
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Meanwhile, back at the castle...

Bison, left alone with her fifty retainers, one hundred and fifty slave girls and two hundred bodyguards, took advantage of the lonely solitude to examine her most prized possession, the priceless Ammolite jewel she had one from the Prince of Wanna-Sweetie during a "Most Rippling Thew" contest.

"Verily, verily, I say unto me, anyone who tries to purrloin* this jewel will embrace their creator/creatress in the frigid, turgid, midget, fridget depths of the Peaks of Quxgghthth!" Unseen by any but her fifty retainers, one hundred and fifty slave girls and two hundred bodyguards, she furtively placed the precious jewel back in her enthused but ambivalent pocket. She knew with abject certainty that no body knew where she kept the priceless jewel. Nobody, of course, but her fifty retainers, one hundred and... oh bugger.

Suddenly she heard the soft, furrtive pad of silent restless feet behind her. She world around. 'Twas none other than Mee-Nou, the dreaded Cat God of the Temple of Consonants - the very temple she had so foully plundered in won of her many ex ploits, earning herself a great deal of opprobrious approbation from special interest groups.

The malevolent Cat God fixed her with a steely grey oval orb. Bison's hand involuntarily fluttered to the pocket where she had placed the jewel. The Cat's features twisted themselves into a mocking, respectful grin. It gestured toward the pocket.

"I can has ammolite?"it intoned hissfully, more of a command than a question.

"If thou attemptest to wrest it from my person with gentle force, thou shalt find a whole lot of cold steel in thy lamentous gizzard," answered Bison replyingly. "Desist to regard my secret pocket with thy steely grey oval orbs."

The cat's eyebrows raised enquiringly.

"Thou knowest, the steely grey organs of sight, with which thou seeest."

The cat continued to look puzzled.

"The emerald-green-grey oval-shaped shafts of light on either side of thy pudgy, soft nose," explained Bison.

The light dawned.

"My eyes?" enquired the indiscriminate mammal.

"We do not use the 'E' word," Bison said preremptorily. "Take thyself hence!"

The Cat God raised its naked hackles and sputtered. "I had hoped," it hissed with quiet menace, "to find you reasonable. I takes no leave of you. I is moist seriously displeazed!" With a threatening twinkle of its putrid brown occuli, it turned its plush back on Bison and stalked haughtily off.






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*Foreshadowing!

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PostPosted: Thu 27 Sep , 2007 2:29 pm 
Best friends forever
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:LMAO:

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PostPosted: Thu 27 Sep , 2007 3:03 pm 
The Grey Amaretto as Supermega-awesome Proud Heretic Girl
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:damnfunny: :damnfunny:

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PostPosted: Thu 27 Sep , 2007 3:54 pm 
Same as it ever was

Joined: Mon 07 Mar , 2005 12:35 am
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Location: Cake or DEATH? Errr, cake please...
I am so saving this on my hard drive.....


:LMAO: :LMAO: :LMAO:


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PostPosted: Thu 27 Sep , 2007 10:35 pm 
Same as it ever was

Joined: Mon 07 Mar , 2005 12:35 am
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Location: Cake or DEATH? Errr, cake please...
As Humphred skivied down the smoke grunged castle passageway, the untried sword swinging back and forth as it galumphed at his side, causing no undue amount of pain to his moderately muscled but still very bronzed thew, he finally reached the side gate to the formidable fortress which yet seemed inviting upon cursory glances, and hied forth to the path leading to the keep's stables. Humphred entered the foul smelling bastion of herbivorous human bearing transportation, holding his olfactory orafice while adjusting to the gloom within with his ocular orbs. "Stableboy!! Commence forward forthwith with a steed worthy of a several solar rotation period, I need to set out upon a quest of the utmost importance to Norgolia!!"

The slouching shifty footed slackard charged with tending the beasts in the poorly aired outbuilding stumbled out of his half awake state over near the haypile and stared Humphred in his visionary receptacles. "We has nothin here at t'moment but a pair a white goats an a small cart, or over yon is Ole Pete."

"What forsooth manner of creature is Ole Pete" blurted Humphred peevishly, plucking at his pained thew with his protruding polydactyled appendage, still gasping for air in the foetid stench.

"Wha, you daft or summin? Ole Pete is an ox, you swiving numskull!!"

Humphred was left for a miniscule number of chronological moments to decide on his means of transport. Caprian carried cart ala blanche or old ox fording his way? Which would get him to Norgolia in the fewest declining sunsets? For that matter, Humphred realized he had no idea even how to reach Norgolia, since he could not interpolate cartography, it had not been invented yet.

"Hey, swiving uncouth lout, can you tell me how to reach Norgolia?" Humphred beseeched in authoritarian tones to the slovenly stable lad. "And fer the sake of the Cat-God Mee-Nou, is there any sort of leathern riding breeches in this foul bastion of ordeur? I am in great need of protecting my thews!!"


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PostPosted: Thu 27 Sep , 2007 10:59 pm 
bioalchemist
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"Grignr absconded in the cold moonless night wit' our only pair of breeches," the helpful young boy who kept the aromatic habitation of beasts of burden announced, "An' as for Norgalia, Grignr said he was going to go a-wenching there, and he rode off in that direction," the youth waved his dirty right fingery appendage specifically south and east. "If'n you find him, tell 'im we want the horse back as well as the breeches. The Queen will feed us all to Mee-Nou if'n she finds out the things are gone."

Humphred quivered nonchalantly at his prospects. He had to get to Norgalia as fast as possible. Goat-drawn carts were for girls, but his only other choice was to ride an old ox with nothing but his somewhat tattered loincloth between himself and the ox's back. His manhood opposing sensation, Humphred took the ox, and climbing upon it's broad and knobby back he lumbered speedily off in the direction the stable-boy pointed, towards the nearest horizon, into the murky bright light of the softly setting sun.

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PostPosted: Fri 28 Sep , 2007 12:22 am 
Best friends forever
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Polydactyled appendage.

Quivered nonchalantly.


You people are twisted.

Please keep it up.

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but it does include a free trip
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PostPosted: Fri 28 Sep , 2007 12:37 am 
Aspiring to heresy
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We're still waiting for your contribution! :poke:

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PostPosted: Fri 28 Sep , 2007 12:49 am 
bioalchemist
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vison wrote:
You people are twisted.

Speaketh the inventor of Queen Bison...

Well come on, spit it out, we can't keep this going all by ourselves you know.

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"He attacks. And here I can kill him. But I don't. That's the answer to world peace, people."
-Stickles Shihan


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PostPosted: Fri 28 Sep , 2007 3:41 am 
Best friends forever
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Riverthalos wrote:
vison wrote:
You people are twisted.

Speaketh the inventor of Queen Bison...

Well come on, spit it out, we can't keep this going all by ourselves you know.


I know, I know!!!! Sorry.

But I am trying very hard to finish a story that plagued me for 2 of the nights I was in Lake Louise and I HAVE to finish it.

Grignr is not in it, nor any Gaseous Appendages. No Freon Teeth, no Fluourine Shoulders.

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PostPosted: Fri 28 Sep , 2007 4:38 am 
bioalchemist
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Good grief, we're writing a sequel, not a whole series!

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PostPosted: Sat 29 Sep , 2007 9:20 pm 
The Red Fox
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OOC: Hey folks I've read the original ages ago, I never finished it, as it is such drokk, but funny nevertheless... Gotta say I love your sequel so far. :D Keep up the shitty/good work people! :D

OOC ends

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PostPosted: Sat 29 Sep , 2007 10:02 pm 
Aspiring to heresy
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Hey, you can join in too, Edain!

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PostPosted: Mon 01 Oct , 2007 12:22 pm 
Aspiring to heresy
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Grignr turned his back on the comely yet hideous wench as she as she fashioned herself a harness. Suddenly, from the pale, cold night, he was surrounded by seven evil-looking swarthy ruffians.

"Thou hast the sacred ammolite," said one of the unspeakably evil scofflaws. "Hand it over, thou varmint!"

Grignr scoffed. "It is an open secret that Queen Bison herself has it on her person. Unthew me, wretch!"

Although he was outnumbered seven to one, he was the good guy, and the seven swarthy bandits were bad guys, so the battle naturally ended in Grignr's favour.

"See you in the Stygian cesspits of Brie!" scoffed Grignr in his thick Gorzonian accent, which sounded suspiciously like Austrian. Unfortunately, this delicious piece of Jungian double-entendre was wasted on them, because they were already dead.

"Ven, o ven vill I learn to deliver my one-liners before I slaughter mine enemies?" lamented the mighty warrior through tightly-clenched teeth.

"Okay, I'm done fashioning my harness," said Catherna. "Can we go already?"

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PostPosted: Mon 01 Oct , 2007 4:28 pm 
bioalchemist
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"No," Grignr sulked like the brave man he was, "I think I've killed our guide."

"Oh for the love of Kalla!" Catherna exclaimed sulkily back at him. "Come on then, follow me. I grew up in these woods."

"Follow you, wench?" Grignr turned to her, startled, and became bemused at her dazzling fabricated harness and the heaving bosom beneath it. "Into a soft leafy grove, perchance?"

"We could make a stop in one if you like," she ran her blue orbs over him. "But we go to Gorganzola, barbarian. I know your mother might prefer we go straight home to wherever you're from, but we can worry about her later. Especially since you left a civil war between us and the way you came from. How would she like that, I wonder?" She kicked her horse forward, leashing it upon the gravelly, leafy path through the ensorcelled Woods of Wdjrik.

"Leave my mother out of this, you harlot!" Grignr roared with dignified frustration, kicking his female equine hard after the tempestuous girl.

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-Stickles Shihan


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