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Silmarillion Film We Definitely Have NOT Seen Too Many Times

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Voronwë_the_Faithful
Post subject: Silmarillion Film We Definitely Have NOT Seen Too Many Times
Posted: Sat 05 Mar , 2005 5:34 pm
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With the Silmarillion discussion about to begin over in Books, I thought
that it would be helpful if there were a movie that peope could see for
those who find the Sil too antiquated. A modernized version, designed for
todays audiences, as it were (in the tradition of the hilarious Game for
those who have NOT seen the movie too many times thread over at TORC, but
perhaps with a b77 edge).

I'll start.

Illuvator, played by an impossibly beautiful unknown androgynous actor/actress, is sitting on her/his throne. Before him/her are assembled the Ainur, played by a melting pot of all races, colors, genders, and whatever, singing an impossibly beautiful song. Suddenly, an insistent beat begins to drone:

Boom boom bot, ba boom boom ba bot
Boom boom bot, ba boom boom ba bot

Melkor (played by Ice Cube) begins to rap:


I am Melkor
And I'm here to say
I'm the biggest Motherfucker
In Arda today

Give me the Flame
I know what to do
These fuckin' pansy Ainur dudes
Ain't gonna listen to you

Boom boom bot, ba boom boom ba bot
Boom boom bot, ba boom boom ba bot


...


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laureanna
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Posted: Sat 05 Mar , 2005 7:00 pm
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:Q :Q :Q

Are you suggesting the Valar have genitals?

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Well, I'm back.


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Voronwë_the_Faithful
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Posted: Sat 05 Mar , 2005 7:10 pm
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Only when they want to. :)


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Athrabeth
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Posted: Sat 05 Mar , 2005 7:33 pm
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:damnfunny :clap: :horse:

Damn you Voronwe!..........I've got reports cards to write!! :rage:

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Voronwë_the_Faithful
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Posted: Sat 05 Mar , 2005 7:39 pm
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And I have interrogatories to answer. But I refuse to allow this to become yet another chat thread. I hereby forbid any further responses that do not include a continuation of the screenplay (at least until we've progessed a bit further).


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Alatar
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Posted: Tue 08 Mar , 2005 2:13 pm
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Suddenly Iluvatar holds up his hand and a new theme begins

Tulkas: A-wim A-way A-wim A-way A-wim A-way A-wim A-way A-Wim A-way A-wim-wim A-waaaaay

Varda: Eee-oooo- Eee-oooooo-ooo-oo Umm Umm A-waaaay

As it gathers in power it takes the rhythm of Melkors endless braying and weaves it into it's own irresistable melody


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Mummpizz
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Posted: Tue 08 Mar , 2005 2:27 pm
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Clouds disperse and we see the face of Morgan Freeman (god is always played by Morgan Freeman and vice versa) frown (I know this shortens it up a bit, but who'd want to spend the first thirty minutes on just watching god's temper worsen?)

(Btw. I would like to have the Silmarillion realised as an anime series, which doesn't necessarily change the characters and actors, just the way they're drawn)


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Berhael
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Posted: Tue 08 Mar , 2005 2:29 pm
Milk and kisses
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:LMAO:

*All the Ainur sway in rhythm with the music, and Vána daringly dances the limbo, cheered on by Tulkas and Oromë*


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Voronwë_the_Faithful
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Posted: Tue 08 Mar , 2005 5:15 pm
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The Ainur, clad in the raiment of the World, are lovely and golorious to see.


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Farawen
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Posted: Wed 09 Mar , 2005 1:27 pm
Far out
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Alatar
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Posted: Wed 09 Mar , 2005 2:12 pm
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Awesome! Just... Awesome!

:LMAO: :LMAO: :LMAO:

Oh, and thanks for killing the thread Farawen! How the hell do you compete with that!?

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Farawen
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Posted: Wed 09 Mar , 2005 5:30 pm
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Ooops. Sorry. :(

:Wooper:


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Voronwë_the_Faithful
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Posted: Wed 09 Mar , 2005 7:39 pm
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Oh well. :)


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Dindraug
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Posted: Wed 09 Mar , 2005 9:59 pm
Tricksy Elf!
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:bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow:

My sides hurt...Farawen, I will so get you for that :LMAO: :LMAO: :LMAO: :LMAO: :LMAO: :LMAO: :LMAO: :LMAO: :LMAO: :LMAO:

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tinwe
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Posted: Sun 13 Mar , 2005 3:38 am
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*thanks V*

Ice Cube - look, let’s just do away with Melkor and call him Ice Cube from now on, ‘kay?

anyway...

Ice cube enters the scene with Korn as his back-up band. Balrogs and other fire demons form a mosh pit and start slam dancing into the congo line formed by the Valar. Korn launches into a thrasher jam session, drowning out The Tokens’ version of Wimoweh. General mayhem ensues.

[ img ]

Suddenly, in one awe inspiring cosmic gesture, Morgan Freeman raises his arms and the cacophony comes to a screeching halt. The mosh pit freezes, stage divers slam face first into the broken glass-strewn concrete floor. The congo line, which by this time has degenerated into a full blown bunny hop, stops, and everybody bumps into each other. They all look up at Morgan Freeman in awe.

MF - “Mighty are the Ainur, and mightiest among them is Ice Cube; but that he may know, and all the Ainur, that I am Morgan Freeman, those things that ye have sung, rapped, and danced, I will show them forth, that ye may see what ye have done. And thou, Ice Cube, shalt see that no rhyme may be rapped that hath not its uttermost source in me, nor can any alter the breakdown in my despite.”

MF leads the party from the dance hall out into the void - “Behold your Music”

The various musicians, slam dancers, disco queens, congo drummers and Ice Cube look out into the gathering darkness. Slowly a new world starts to come into view.
It looks...
strangely...
like...



a bowling ball.

:D

Last edited by tinwe on Fri 18 Mar , 2005 12:07 am, edited 3 times in total.

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Voronwë_the_Faithful
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Posted: Sun 13 Mar , 2005 3:50 am
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:LMAO:


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Athrabeth
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Posted: Sun 13 Mar , 2005 4:45 am
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Nice one, tinwe!

I knew you'd fit in!

I'm making a fly-by post............the past week or so has taken its toll.......and...........well..........adding that to my pathetic procrastination disorder, I can't stop attending to what I'm supposed to be attending to because I got too wrapped up attending to other things.

First of all:

Voronwe ................. :hug: and :cheerleader: and :love: ..............you know? :halo:

Tinwe.................get your butt over to the Invite thread and see what thou hast wrought...................Anth????/............Anth?????...........I mean............really! I thought Anthy and I left all that confusion behind us in that confusing other place. Shows you what happens when you combine exceedingly high altitudes with snow and inclined planes and slippery boards. :suspicious:

*sigh* It seems one cannot escape from one's past.

God, I wish I could play. :(

:horse: I have about four or five more days of toil and strife...........then watch out!!!!

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Voronwë_the_Faithful
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Posted: Sun 13 Mar , 2005 4:53 am
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We can wait. :)


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tinwe
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Posted: Sun 13 Mar , 2005 5:47 am
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Sorry ‘Beth. I have attempted to redress the situation as best as possible. Please forgive me.
And sorry to you too V, but I just can’t go on with the Ath nickname anymore. It’s strictly ‘Beth for me from here on out. These dear sweet innocent ladies are going to rip me to shreds if I keep getting them confusuled.

*ahem*

A dark thought enters the mind of Ice Cube, who is at once possessed with a singular desire for a tournament - for the domination of the whole of Arda

:devil:


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kams
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Posted: Mon 14 Mar , 2005 5:57 pm
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Ice Cube: So if I'm gonna play the part of World Dominator, I'm gonna look the part sooo watch out!


Spins around in a whirlwind and transforms himself.
White suit with them sparkle things, yeah.
<looks> Ah yes. Pinky ring.
Leather duster coat. In black
and a coupla bad dudes coverin' muh back


<a beat starts>

Shades so dark youda think my eyes
were lookin' right through you - no surprise
I'm the World Dominator and I get my kicks
by screwin' with your tune and I take my tricks
by messin' up your rythmn and takin' my own
to the House of Power til there's no one home.

<lady dancers appear in the background>

Hey I got my detractors and I got my fans
but my minds made up and I know I'm your man
you can take your Macarena and your 'Lectric Slide
and th' Hokey Pokey that you dance with pride
and your Do-Wop, Bunny Hop, non-stop Sock Hop
Disco o'r the top, mind numbing Bus Stop
and lock 'em in the pit stop, flush 'em down the drain
let 'em dance in the sewers where they don't feel rain.


There's a new music to choose it don't lose it or abuse it
All in Varda and Arda will take part or I make it harda
to mention a suspension or detention of active dimension.
I am the thing, I got the bling, you know my ring - I am the King!


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