To me, this is the crux of the matter:
For me, though, even when I did start saying no, the behavior didn't change.
If you clearly say no, and the other person forces himself/herself on you, that's simply wrong.
btw, Ansari did respond:
https://edition.cnn.com/2018/01/15/ente ... -responds/ He says he thought it was consensual.
Out of (mild) curiosity, I went back and found her original account. I don't know if you've read it, or just the summaries.
https://babe.net/2018/01/13/aziz-ansari-28355
My impressions after reading it were:
1) Whoa, someone needs to give everyone with an internet connection this level of detail about a bad date?! Not only did she disregard her own privacy, but his as well. She could easily have made her point without telling us all about every single sexual thing he did, unless her purpose was to embarrass him.
2) After reading her account of the entire date, I think he was probably pushy about wanting sex, but I suspect the encounter is also slanted to make herself look good. She comes across as passive during the date, but later complains about minor things, even before they went back to his apartment. Her first complaint is that he offered her white wine in his apartment and she likes red wine! (huh? was she upset he didn't read her mind?). And the "signals" she was giving during this encounter sound ambiguous and possible to misinterpret.
And then she sat there and watched Seinfeld with him (with their clothes on) after their encounter. Sorry, but why on earth would you prolong a bad date that way?
Edit: After thinking about it, I guess my main take-away from her account would be that both young men and young women should try to be more obvious about communicating. Sexual signals can be tricky enough with someone you've dated for a while. I imagine it's even more of a minefield when the other person is essentially a stranger and you don't know much about their personality or reactions.
For instance, pulling away and mumbling could mean anything from "this particular act doesn't turn me on" to "I don't want to have sex" to "Not just yet (contraceptives issue)" And "When do you want to have intercourse?" A: "The next date." could be a polite brush-off in one person's mind, while the other person could be focusing on it as "Yes, I do want to have intercourse eventually." On the other hand, he could certainly have stopped and asked "Hey, does this mean you're not interested at all, right now, or is it just what I'm specifically doing?" Especially after a pattern where she kept rebuffing him after their initial consensual acts.