Just in case you don't know (and you probably don't, unless you've been very thorough about reading b77 posts), this isn't an academic question for me since my wife is currently about 3 moths pregnant for our first. If she wants or needs me there I will be, but for my part, standing there watching her suffer and envisioning all the things that could go wrong while knowing I can't do anything about it would be incredibly traumatic (I concur that the "watching her give birth ruins the mystery of sex" line of reasoning is a bunch of BS). I'm a big boy and I'd get over it, but if it's true that my presence would only be a hindrance to her on top of everything else, I'll be perfectly content to wait in the lobby.
No, I didn't know, congratulations!
And the reason I haven't been paying too much attention is that I had a baby 5 months ago, so I barely have time to read. You'll know what I mean in six months' time.
You have a point with "standing there watching her suffer and envisioning all the things that could go wrong while knowing I can't do anything about it would be incredibly traumatic". My husband says it was very hard.
But wouldn't it be much more traumatic not being in the room, hearing her scream and not knowing what is going on? Dan was able to reassure me and also help me in a practical manner, and if I had gone on to have a vaginal delivery, he would have been even more hands-on; as it was, he changed into surgical scrubs while they got me into theatre, and the minutes he was on his own were pretty scary, he says.
I think the matter of whether the father is a help or a hindrance in the delivery room depends on the woman... Ro says she wouldn't want anyone there, that's the way she deals with pain and stress, so for her it would be a hindrance. For me... well, it was traumatic. Horrendous. But I coped because he was there by my side (and because of the wonderful drugs
). If for whatever reason he hadn't been present I would have been much more frightened. Also, they say that undergoing trauma together brings people even closer together...
I know that I admire him even more for having stuck with me, despite it being scary, and he says he's full of a new-found respect for women in general and me in particular, after witnessing what we go through.
Maybe the answer is to give the father some drugs too.