board77

Count me among those who could never imagine your being offensive, Maria.

I have often been guilty of posting regrettable things.
Regrettable according to me.

Unfortunately, too often, I need someone else to make me aware that it is regrettable according to me.

Then there are times that people impose their will on you. According to their standards.
Not much you can do about that. Accept it or don't.

There are overtly agressive people in this world, and there are passive agressive people in this world.
The result is the same in many instances. Both drive people away.

In fact I have come to the conclusion that l am only willing to be me, with due tact and an awareness of my surroundings when possible.
Beyond that, I am not willing to go.

MariaHobbit wrote:

Too much attention to the process leads to a higher error rate, IMO.

Unless, of course, you are playing on-line chess while watching TV.

I like your posts, so please don't fade away!

And everyone else in the thread!

Group hug!!!!

Remember not being allowed to write OMG on TORC? What is considered offensive on certain other boards I find extreme.

I do try, when posting on HoF, not to offend in deferrence to V-man and his property. But like you MH and many others, I can't always get it right. I have to imagine I'm responding the the Queen or the Pope whilst treading on eggshells - only without the majesty / holiness epithets. Not the most comfortable way to post, but for some posters within HoF the most comfortable way to read.

Different horses, different courses.

But here on B77 is the relaxed informality. We can say 'ass' or 'fuck you' to each other in the way that only friends can.

Um - could we avoid criticizing other boards here? I would be unimpressed it they started a "what's wrong with b77" discussion over there, so let's return the favour. Please?

It's what Lidless says to me instead of "I love you."





Jude, the problem is, her self-censorship started because of what happened on another board. It's a bit difficult to discuss without bringing that board up. I find it ironic, actually, that we post about everything and anything here without worries, but the worry about being offensive on or to HoF extends so far that we are expected to self-censor references to it here on b77.

Basically, we're not allowed to say that it's difficult to post on HoF without offending anyone, and we can't say it because we're afraid of offending them.

Ironic.

I'll edit though.




Seriously though, with what can be found offensive on other boards, I simply don't post with them anymore. I like many of the people that post elsewhere very, very much. I actually think most of them are pretty damned cool. It's because I don't know what I'm allowed to say. After a few experiences similar to yours, MH, I gave up. I find other boards, despite the lovely people, to be difficult places to post an opinion without somebody being offended. If someone is offended, the post gets edited or removed.

I consider myself to be a fairly polite person, but I'm not going to watch everything I say. You wouldn't, in real life, be friends with a person with whom you had to watch every single word you said because they were extremely oversensitive. After a while, with a RL friend like that, you would say

Quote:

"you know what, you're a lovely person, but you're too much effort. You say that by offending you constantly, I am not treating you like a friend should. But the honest truth of the matter is, by you taking offense at everything that can be remotely construed as offensive, you are not treating me like a friend."

As Steve said, you're not talking to the queen, or the pope, or the president. You're talking to a person who is supposed to be, at best, a good friend whom you may have actually met in person, and, at worst, someone who you might not get along with but who has debated with you for enough years to know that there is no need for offense.

Agreed. Jude, I get what you're saying, but why should Steve have to edit such an innocent post? We were talking about Maria, and that involves HOF.

*~Pips~*

I guess I should have chosen my words more carefully. I didn't mean Liddy should edit his post, I'm just concerned that this thread would turn into an HoF-bashing opportunity. Not saying it has, I'm just trying to prevent it in advance.

Better?

Duly censored. It was not meant to be a critique per se, but a note of different posting styles required on different boards and that what one person finds offensive others do not.

The level required on HoF to avoid insulting / criticizing someone is, IMHO, too high for (my) comfort, and there are complaints on the most trivial of things. Just as other posters find b77 ludicrously low and we are coarse potty-mouths.

It's just a different board with different people and different styles. I feel free to disagree openly with their style just as some posters there may disagree with here.

I'm not bashing, I'm just saying it's not my style. I don't like the idea of having to mind my Ps and Qs when discussing a topic with friends.

SHIT PISS BOLLOCKS POOP



Whew. That felt great.

I love HoF but there ain't nothing wrong with noting that it ain't for everybody.

I agree with what Yov said.

But I also hate when a group of people ram rod their opinion down everyone elses throat, and won't let others play, especially if that group of people is not part of the management. I am on a board where there are a handful of posters who run around patting each other on the back and if a newbie dares post an opinion they are basically ran off the board with insults. It used to be a very active movie of all types board and now it's a handful of asshats. Bottom line for me is people don't want to be treated as a child with insults being hurled at them all the time.

I just wrote a long, analytical and introspective post where I figured out why I was reacting the way I was, and had everything worded just how I wanted- and I hit "preview" to take one more look before submitting-- and I'd been inactive too long and the system had logged me off and I lost the post.



good grief

*is in "solve everybody's technical problems" mode*

If you keep pressing the "go back" button on your browser repeatedly, do you eventually get back to the post you were composing, and is it still there?

No, IE wipes it.

I can summarize the post, though!

If you hurt me I can either hurt you back or avoid you. Having more than my share of empathy, I'll almost always choose to avoid, since hurting you causes me pain.

The original thoughts were much more convoluted and wandering- but that's what it boils down to. There was also some personality type pondering too, but it's just as well that was lost.

Anyway, that's why I can't bring myself to click the HOF link anymore. I knew it was a gut reaction- and thus probably the best one for me-- but it's nice to understand the mechanism. I guess. I wonder why *forgiveness* isn't an option in my gut reaction? Because I'm an "Idealist" I guess. People either live up to my expectations or they don't.

Edit: and if they don't, I have severe trouble associating with them again.

Hey Maria, I know how you feel. I feel like that most of the time- I honestly think something is screwed up with my internal gauges because I have the hardest time figuring out not just whether I'm being insensitive or offensive, but also whether what I've just drawn is any good or not, whether a book I've just read is good or rubbish, whether something took a long or a short time to do...ask me a question like that and you can leave me distraught for days.

Of course sometimes it's pretty clear to me that I'm being an ass, let's not kid ourselves. But I'm too familiar with the feeling you describe- that shock of finding out something you never ever even thought could offend DID offend. If only it came with a clear sense that it is the other person who is over-reacting! But no, it brings only confusion. Where is the middle ground, and who strayed furthest from it? Not. A. Clue.

It's incredibly depressing to be caught in that feeling so I sympathise with you. All I can say is that HoF is a very particular place, not to say extremely difficult to navigate, and you're not the first person posting there to be surprised that their words were considered inappropriate. So don't take it to heart, because knowing what a delicate person you normally are this is clearly just a matter of different standards. It's like...well, if you wear jeans, it's not offensive in itself, but put them on for an audience with the Queen of England and you will get dirty looks, I'm sure.

Maria, I find your posts very interesting, and have never felt offended in the least by any of them. I was very surprised to hear you had been censored on HoF.

Please keep posting! I enjoy hearing about your farm and the dogs, your family and your views on things like the MBTI and energy/healing!

I think your husband is a really cool guy, and count myself fortunate to have met him at the Gathering. I took a picture of him, and another fellow dressed as Gandalf in the dealer's room.

Though I'm sure you don't remember, I also met you and your son briefly, after the performance at Medieval Times. He was still in his Gollum costume and makeup.

I think you and I are the same MB type, and I, too, react very strongly to criticism or reprimands, and tend to retreat and shut down.

You don't need to censor yourself here. You're among friends!

MH, I'd hope you are finding a way past your current self-censoring here. I can't offer anything with regards to your inability to return to HoF--not that I think my words would help. People have to figure it out on their own. Maybe to help your self-censoring here you need a nice release post of SHITTY FUCK SHITTY FUCK FUCK! That doesn't help me because I speak like a sailor sometimes, so a "release" for me would be to not curse. Funny that I'm an English grad student, too.

I've never regretted any of my posts even my post that nearly destroyed b77 in 2005 after my first and only m77t at Lid's and Estel's. I'll take responsibility for my posts, but certainly no regret on my part.

MariaHobbit wrote:

good grief

"Good grief"? "Good grief"??? Now's the perfect time to practice.

Try again. Much harder.