Gandalf: Look ahead! The Bridge is near. It is dangerous and narrow. (halts) Lead the way, Gimli! Pippin and Merry next. Straight on, and up the stair beyond the door.
The Fellowship hurry across the Bridge. Legolas turns, and sets an arrow to his string. Suddenly he drops it with a cry of fear.
Pippin:(staring) What in Middle-Earth is that?
Merry: Um... a cave-troll?
Pippin: You think so? Wait... how does that song go: "Learn now the lore of living creatures! Aardvark the fearless, always digging,
Ant the insect, scourge of picnics..."
(Merry, Frodo and Sam join in)
Pippin, Merry, Frodo and Sam: "Armadillo clad in leathery armour,
Axolotl, grower of severed limbs..."
Legolas: I should just like to point out that it's getting closer as we speak. Don't let me rush your deliberations, mind you...
Aragorn: (listening to the hobbit song) Oh, this will take forever. (rummages through knapsack, takes out "Arwen's Origin of the Species" and begins to ruffle through the pages) Ooookay.... it's not a fox.... aaaaaand.... it's not a wizard...
Gandalf:
Aragorn: (continuing to flip through the pages) hmmm.... doesn't appear to be an orc, either. Is it allied with the forces of evil?
Legolas: I wonder if I should mention that it just stepped onto the Bridge? You know, we could just sort of move along as we discuss this...
Pippin, Merry, Frodo and Sam: "Albatross, harbinger of disaster,
Antelope, even-toed ungulate..."
Aragorn: (continuing to flip through the pages) hmmm... hmmm... certainly not one of those...
Legolas: ... kind of like a "walk and talk" discussion, sort of thing?
Aragorn: Uh-oh.
Boromir: What? What?
Aragorn: It's a Balrog.
Legolas: Ai! Ai! A Balrog! A Balrog is come!
Boromir: A Balrog? Hang on, let me see that thing. (grabs the book from Aragorn and studies it intently)
Legolas: Ai! A Balrog! A Balrog comes itself! Aaaaaiiii!!!
Gandalf: Fool of a Took! (whacks Legolas with his staff)
Pippin: Excuse me? I'm the Took around here! He's no Took!
Gandalf: Oh. Right. Sorry. (whacks Pippin with his staff)
Boromir: (studying the description in the book) Are you sure that's a Balrog? The one in the book doesn't have any wings.
Aragorn: You think those are wings? They look more like vast shadows to me.
Legolas: (rubbing his head) Ai.
Gandalf: Well, there's one way we can see if it has wings. As soon as it steps onto the Bridge, I'll use my amazing Maia superpowers to break it asunder. (advances to the edge of the Bridge, chuckling mischievously)
Aragorn: Ah. Good idea, Gandalf.
Boromir: What? How will that tell us whether it has wings or not?
Aragorn: Well, you see... (carefully watching the advancing figure) when the bridge disappears from under it... if it doesn't have wings... it won't be able to...
Pippin: Won't be able to what?
Gandalf: Fly, you fools! (exit, pursued by a Balrog)